It's All In Your Head
by PMValois
Summary: Chloe Beale is perfect in every way. Perfect daughter, Bella, friend and student. Chloe has a secret though. She's doing drugs behind everyone's backs to stop the voices in her head. Chloe Beale is schizophrenic and struggling to keep it hidden. Beca finds herself undeniably drawn to the older woman but can she handle the stress of Chloe's secret?
1. Summer Vacation

**A/N So I need to toss this out there now. I'm not 100% sure what direction I want to take with this story but I deeply feel like this will be one of my favorite stories that I've written. Anyways, there's going to be trigger warnings throughout this whole story. I'll be sure to write one in each chapter that I feel it is necessary. Since some of the subjects in this story are super sensitive even if the topic is mentioned I'll respect my readers and write a trigger warning. That being said. **Trigger warning. Drug use in the following chapter.**

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"Who are you?" Stacie Conrad asked from across the table, calmly sipping her tea. Chloe blinked in surprise at the woman's question. Stacie raised an eyebrow and continued to stare at the redhead with a straight expression.

"Stacie you know who I am. We've been best friends since we were born. Our parents were best friends in college." Chloe was beginning to feel that nagging sensation in her brain as she thought briefly about excusing herself to the bathroom to deal with it.

"I know Chlo. But who ARE you?" Stacie asked again, patiently waiting for Chloe to respond. It wasn't like Chloe didn't know who she was, she was Chloe freaking Beale. Everyone knew who she was and she loved it but she knew that the medical student sitting in front of her wasn't just asking for her name. Chloe stared at her wide eyed unsure of how to answer. "What makes you proud, what makes you who you are, where do you see yourself going and what are you doing with your life?" Stacie was staring intensely into Chloe's blue eyes. Who sat with her lips pressed into a straight line unable to formulate the answer Stacie was looking for. Just as Chloe began to squirm Stacie's phone buzzed on the table and she looked down, a wide grin finding its way to her beautiful features. "Caddy shack party at Ellie's tonight. You down?" Chloe sighed in relief and nodded enthusiastically, she was always down for a caddy shack bash. It was one of the reasons Chloe always came home over the summer.

"When is Aubrey going to be in?" Chloe's voice was on the edge of excitement at the mention of her other best friend. Stacie, Aubrey and Chloe had always managed to spend the summers in Florida where they grew up. It was the only thing Chloe had to look forward to when school got out. She sipped her coffee trying to ignore the uncomfortable feeling that was quickly growing worse in the back of her head.

"She's on her way now. I'm guessing an hour or two." Stacie answered still half distracted by her phone. She smiled to herself as she received another message. Chloe rolled her eyes knowing this one was from Aubrey Posen.

"I'll be right back. Gotta pee." Chloe offered a soft smile before sliding out of her side of the booth before Stacie could say anything else and walking to the bathroom. She locked the door behind her and got a paper towel to clean off the counter. Mechanically dropping a pill on the surface and crushing it with an old library card. She removed the pen from her purse and quickly took the ink carterage out, leaving nothing but the hollow shell. One swift movement and the powder was up her nose, quickly putting everything back together and stashing it in her purse. Chloe locked eyes with herself in the mirror as she waited a few short moments for the drug to take hold. "I'm Chloe Beale. 4.0 student. Co-captain of the Barden Bellas. Aspiring law student. Loving friend and daughter." Chloe laughed at the irony of how that sounded coming out her mouth, _are you writing an obituary?_ She pushed the thought to the back of her head as she washed her hands and walked back out to the table her friend was sitting at. "Hey, so when is that party?" Chloe asked without looking at Stacie who was staring at her suspiciously as she sat down. She noticed the way Chloe's eyes weren't open and bright like they normally were and thought about asking her what she was doing in the bathroom but decided against it.

"Well we have that dinner at the country club with our moms. Back to summer ladies' night or whatever." Stacie tried to act like she wasn't excited but secretly she couldn't wait to get all dolled up and get her mom wasted with all of her friends and their moms. Chloe smiled because she understood all too well what Stacie was really feeling. "Elly has to work so it will be after the club shuts down for the night. So like ten or so?" Stacie calculated the time in her head. Chloe thought about this night for the last three months. It was the same every summer, the mothers took their daughters to this huge fancy dinner at the country club to make sure they at least ate something before they knew that the kids would go off and get tanked. Most of the kids she had spent time with in high school either had parents that belonged to the club or worked there over the summer. It had been that way since Chloe was 16. Although the young adults that worked at the club were deemed as "trouble makers" the funny part about it all was that all the kids that went to the club were actually the ones who were the ones who were party animals or "bad kids." They just had an image and family reputation that seemed to sweep it under the rug. Chloe used this to her advantage every day, there was no way in hell that a Beale child would do drugs or have one night stands and wake up drunk in random places. Except that wasn't true for Chloe Beale. Not even close. Chloe's thoughts drifted back to Elly.

"I think I'm going to go to the batting cages and hit some balls. I'll meet up with you at the dinner okay?" Chloe threw some money on the table and ran out the door.

 _"_ _Chloe freaking Beale! What's up dude?"_ Elly's voice was soothing as Chloe pressed the phone to her ear.

"Hey Ell. I need a favor." Chloe responded with a hint of urgency in her voice.

 _"_ _I got you ginger. I was already prepared. What do you need and how much?"_ Elly asked. Chloe smiled at the fact that her old friend always came in clutch. They had been friends through all of high school but didn't associate much in public because of the fact that their backgrounds didn't fit with each other's images. Chloe had finally convinced Stacie and her other friends from the "in crowd" to give the young caddy and her pals a chance. Everyone hit it off right away and the summer after junior year is when they began the beginning of summer routine.

"Umm, I need a shit load of aderoll." Chloe reflected quickly on her mood and sighed. "Do you have any ecstasy or oxys?" Chloe sounded hopeful.

 _"_ _You should know by now Beale. Whatever you need, I'll get it for you. How much do you need?" Elly asked again._

"Let's start off with a hundred worth of aderoll and a good dose of E for the night. I need a bunch of oxys. Can you get all that before the party? I get it if you can't. Just figured I would make it easier on both of us if I bought in all at once." Chloe was getting in her car as she spoke.

 _"_ _How soon can you be here? I'll meet you at the cages. You really want to drop three fifty all in one night?"_ Elly was laughing casually at the thought.

"Elly." Chloe's voice was close to a warning at this point. Elly agreed and they settled on meeting at the front parking lot by the country club. Chloe parked in her normal spot and removed a duffle bag from the backseat, not even noticing Elly sitting behind her on the golf cart until she turned around. "Hey Ell." Chloe grinned and all stress of the day quickly flooded away. Her friend scampered quickly off her cart and engulfed Chloe in a bear hug. Chloe sighed at the contact and tried not to let the tears in her eyes pool up too much.

"Dude you have no idea how much I missed you." The tiny woman muttered before pulling away and wiping the tears from her face. "Want a ride up to the cages?" Elly hitched her thumb behind her and Chloe climbed onto the cart, "let me get your bag for you Ms. Beale." Elly's face grew serious as she glanced at her boss behind the counter. Chloe slipped the cash out of her pocket and into the jacket laying where Elly had just been sitting before gracefully gliding off to the changing room.

"I hate when you have to be all formal." Chloe frowned at the small woman. Who muttered something about seeing her after work and that the last cage had her bat bag and helmet waiting for her. Chloe unzipped her bag to pull out her shoes and shorts and her eyes grew wide at the drugs sitting on top of her clothes. "How is she so good at that?" Chloe's voice rang quietly through the locker room. All the while she never noticed an even smaller woman walk in wearing a towel.

"You should probably put that shit on the bottom of your bag red." The stranger spoke causing Chloe to fumble her bag to the floor and panic. "Calm down. I'm not going to say anything. I just would hate to see you get busted with all that shit." Her voice was deep for her size but Chloe blushed at the thought of what she would sound like moaning Chloe's name. "Did I say something?" The girl stood on her tip toes, holding the towel up with just one hand as she reached for something. Chloe stared without trying to hide it, casually sitting down and waiting for the tiny brunette to turn around. The smaller woman took in Chloe's position and furrowed her brows, looking in the mirror. "Is there something in me teeth?" She asked before cracking a beautiful smile that Chloe could see in the reflection. "Okay seriously though, put that shit away." With her last statement the small woman left Chloe awkwardly fiddling with her hands in wonder.

 _What the hell was that?_ Chloe thought with confusion spinning in her mind. She stood quickly and looked around before placing the drugs she had just received under the towel at the bottom of her bag. Remembering to grab one of the aderoll, tossing it in her mouth and swallowing it before she stripped down and put on a pair of shorts and a Barden sweatshirt and headed down to the end of the long corridor of cages. She pushed her headphones into her ear before slipping her helmet on.

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"Noooooooo! I don't want to go to your party Elly." Beca groaned as she plopped down on the bench next to her extremely small cousin. She smirked as she glanced at Elly. "How tall are you?" Her voice was playful but Elly slapped her arm.

"I'm only 4'11." She mumbled with irritation scripted all over her face.

"Wow, I thought I was short at 5'3." Beca tried to lighten the mood in hopes of getting out of the caddy shack party.

"Beca please! You've never been here for it and it would mean so much to me." Elly pleaded, her hardass exterior dissipating in the comfort of Beca's presence. In that way the two were a lot a like. Beca being a brunette while Elly was blonde. Beca having blue eyes when Elly's were brown instead. Beca had young features and Elly had aged features but not in a way that she looked old. Just older. Which she was. She was about four years older than the brunette but they had always been close. _I wish I had been around more._ Beca thought sadly to herself. Beca gave her cousin a slow once over before sighing loudly. "Is that a yes? I promise there won't be any stupid pop songs or anything." Beca sighed again and nodded. Her attention was diverted as she caught glimpse of a stunning redhead walking away from the batting cages, sweat glistening in the light of the building as she reached up to wipe it away. Beca's eyes narrowed at the sight of her duffle bag casually slung over her should. "No way girl. You can't have the hots for my best friend." Elly stated flatly as she caught Beca's stare.

"If she was your best friend Elly you wouldn't let her buy drugs from you." Beca's voice dropped with seriousness as she slowly stood up. "I'll see you at the party." She hated the fact that she was willing to go to a social event when she'd much rather just sit in her room and make mixes all night. "I'm not drinking." Beca added before turning to sulk off to her car. The cool night air made her relaxes as she turned her key in the door and heard the familiar sound of the car unlocking.

"Hey, I didn't catch your name." A voice stated directly behind her. Beca spun around in horror at the surprise. Chloe chuckled at the younger girl's reaction and held her hands up as to say she meant no harm. Beca watched as her left hand reached across her body to hold the strap of her duffle bag tightly.

"I never gave it." Beca said before turning to get in her car.

"Wait! Umm." Chloe paused as she shuffled her feet awkwardly. "Are you going to tell anyone about this?" Chloe's eyes drifted up and locked on the darker ones staring at her.

"No. I don't even know who you are. And it's really none of my business." Beca sat in the driver seat and sighed as her hands gripped the steering wheel. She climbed back out. Standing increasingly closer to Chloe now. A serious sadness settling over her. "Be careful okay? It'd be a waste of something beautiful if something happened to you." Chloe's eyes widened as she fumbled with the words in her mind. Beca smirked her signature look and stepped back into the car. Glancing at Chloe as she drove away.

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 **I know it's short compared to most the chapters I write in my other story but just sit tight. I'll get around to another chapter tomorrow or the day after. I'm bouncing back and forth between working on this story and the other one.**


	2. The Little Alt Girl

**A/N nothing major for trigger warnings. Drug use and that's about it for this chapter. Which will be pretty much every chapter. Enjoy!**

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Chloe sat at her vanity trying to do her makeup and casually listening to her mother chatter. A slow smile spread across the younger Beale's face as she applied some mascara. "Honey, we have that mother daughter tennis thing next week. Would you be upset it if I did it with your sister this year?" The words pulled Chloe away from the mirror. A persistent headache had bloomed behind her eyes and she was trying really hard to make it until her mom went downstairs before she could excuse herself to get high. Chloe was unsure of how to react. Of course she would be upset, they had done the tennis tournament every year since Chloe was 16. That's why Chloe's sister Grace did the golf tournament instead. Chloe's smile faltered a little before she pushed it back onto her face.

"No mama. That's fine." Chloe responded sadly but not wanting to upset her sister because that would just make for a long dramatic summer. With the sting of fresh disappointment in her heart Chloe stood and strolled over to her wardrobe, pulling the large doors open to decide what to wear. Secretly making a mental note of what she was going to toss in a bag for the caddy shack party after the dinner. **_Even your own mother doesn't want you._** Chloe inhaled sharply as she tried to ignore the invading voice. **_You're such a failure if your mommy dearest would rather pick your younger sister. At least she's attractive, funny and smart. Unlike you. You're worthless._** Chloe was gripping the door so tightly her hand was beginning to throb, she held her breath and counted to sixteen twice. Her mother standing and pushing out the stool from the vanity reminded her that she wasn't alone. "When do you want to leave?" Chloe turned around to face her mom with a giant smile on her face.

"Like a half hour, your sister should be about ready by then." Her mom stood tall and proper, resting her hand on Chloe's shoulder as she spoke. Chloe giggled and rolled her eyes as her mom leaned in to whisper something to her. "She takes forever to get ready but don't tell her I said that." She winked and sauntered off. Chloe taking this time as the perfect opportunity, grabbed her duffle bag and removed its contents into the space under a loose plank in her closet floor. Chloe frowned as she sat there on her knees staring. Unsure on if she wanted to wait until after the dinner was over to get high. **_Why are you even going if your mom doesn't love you?_** The whispering voice made Chloe flinch. **_You're just something for your mom to parade around and compete with the other moms with. She doesn't love you she's just using you like you are an object. Like this house or her car._** Chloe closed her eyes trying to will the words away. **_The worst part about it is that you aren't even worth bragging about. You're useless and worthless._**

"Stop, just shut up!" Chloe grumbled loudly as she pulled out one of the pills from her stash.

"Who are you talking to?" Stacie's voice causing Chloe to practically jump out of her skin. She turned around quickly, barely being able to replace the board over her hidden cubby. Stacie was looking around Chloe's room to see if they were alone or not. Chloe began to internally panic.

"No one! What are you doing here?" Chloe started with her signature Chloe Beale grin but frowned when she realized that her best friend should be at the dinner or getting ready right now. Stacie flopped down on the red head's bed and heaved out a giant shaky sigh. "What's wrong Conrad?" Chloe asked as she slowly sat on the edge of her bed.

"My mom wants to do the stupid tennis thing with my sister next week." Stacie whined which in turn made Chloe giggle. Stacie shot her a death glare and Chloe covered her mouth with her hand in an attempt to hide her amusement. "What's so funny?" Stacie said sitting up.

"My mom is doing it with Grace this year also." Chloe offered only to receive a look of complete disbelief from the attractive brunette. "You don't even like tennis." Chloe added playfully.

"No I freaking hate tennis. But it was OUR thing. We always did great too. But like you and your mom have won the whole thing two years in a row now! Why would she want to do it with Grace?" Chloe shrugged when her friend finished speaking and pointed to the bathroom.

"I'll be right back okay?" Chloe asked as her friend stared down at her phone. The redhead walked into the bathroom and locked the door behind her. Turning the sink facet on to hide the sound of the crunching pill. **_Look at you. Told you that you were worthless._** Chloe groaned leaned down to take the lines in front of her. It made Chloe a little uneasy that she was able to execute this so effortlessly and smoothly. She splashed her hands under the sink in an attempt to make it sound like she was washing them, being sure to make sure there was no evidence of what she just did. "Thank god." Chloe muttered as the headache almost instantly subsided, she knew that the voices would be gone for at least a little while and that was enough for her. "So, I was thinking that I'd wear this and these heels to dinner." Chloe held up a light blue dress with white floral print and yellow heels. Stacie grinned and nodded.

"That's super cute but I'm actually more interested in what my sexy best friend is going to wear after dinner." Stacie winked and got up to start digging through Chloe's wardrobe. Chloe tossed her makeup bag into a backpack and a casual pair of running shoes with workout clothes for the morning. "What are you doing?" Stacie asked crossing her arms across her chest.

"Packing a bag so I can work out in the morning?" Chloe's voice was a little confused.

"We're going out to party tonight. There's no way you'll make it to the gym in the morning." Stacie snorted causing Chloe to chuckle.

"Stace, when was the last time I actually had a hang over?" The red head asked playfully. Stacie stood there thinking about it for a moment before shrugging.

"Oh wait! The morning after the first day of spring break!" Stacie's face lit up with victory.

"I drank two thirds of that bottle by myself the night before and all of you forced me to smoke a bunch of pot. Doesn't count because I wouldn't do that again." Chloe stated flatly.

"Chloe Beale, you are the center of every party we go to. But whatever." Stacie turned back to the clothes and pulled out Chloe's favorite jeans and a tight fitting white tank top and a fitted black vest. "What about this?" Chloe glanced up and nodded with approval. Picking up a pair of converse from the back of her closet. The best part about parting with the "misfits" was that no one cared what you wore unlike when you hung out with the kids from Chloe's crowd. "I told my mom I was staying at Aubrey's."

"So did I." Chloe responded lazily as she shimmied into the flowy floral dress. Slipping her heels on and turning to her best friend for review.

"Mmmm. Damn girl, you look like you belong to a family in the Hamptons." Stacie teased.

"Ha. We all practically do." Chloe rolled her eyes at the thought of how much money most of the people she surrounded herself with had. "Let's go." Stacie stood and walked to the door, giving Chloe a split moment to put the drugs in her bag.

"What are you doing?" Stacie asked when she heard Chloe crack the second story window open. Chloe tossed the bag into the bushes and laughed.

"Intro to partying as a Beale. Lesson one, pack a bag and store it in your car so you don't have to make an excuse up to leave and explain where you are going. Lesson two, don't let the parents see the bag or they'll ask questions. Ignorance is bliss." Chloe grinned as she walked towards the bedroom door.

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Elly was working which meant that Beca was stuck going to the mother daughter dinner with her aunt Marie. She shifted uncomfortable in the short black dress. Trying her hardest to suppress her desire to roll her eyes when she opened a snapchat from Elly. "This is my niece Beca." Her aunt's voice snapped her back to the moment in front of her. Beca smiled politely at the woman who looked identical to her cousin. "Beca this is Grace and Sarah Beale." Beca shook their hands trying to ignore how uncomfortable she felt for the sake of her aunt. "Where's Chloe?" Marie asked after looking around for a moment.

"Well, her and Stacie were getting ready together. You know them, late for everything." Mrs. Beale let out a laugh that was almost angelic.

"I've always loved that Conrad girl. She's so beautiful. Not to mention smart! You know she declared that she's majoring in bio chemistry?" Marie sounded astonished and Beca couldn't help but to roll her eyes.

"Oh yes, she's such a great girl. Our Chloe is just so blessed to have a friend like her." Mrs. Beale's eyes locked on something behind Beca as she spoke. "Ahh! Speak of the devil." She smiled and lifted an arm to side hug someone. "Chloe, darling you never fail to be fashionably late." Chloe's mom spoke smoothly. "Stacie, your mom is over with the Posens." Mrs. Beale informed pointing in the direction of two tall uptight looking blonde women, a shorter brunette with glasses and long legs and a very professional looking brunette that looked a lot like the one in front of Beca except the younger one was dressed a little less appropriate. Stacie leaned in and kissed Mrs. Beale and Grace on the cheek before gliding off towards her mom and sister. Beca watched as she walked up casually and kissed the younger blonde lightly on the lips before falling into easy conversation with the group.

"Perfection takes time mom." The voice caused Beca to snap her head around, locking eyes with a smiling red head. Beca swallowed the lump in her throat as she realized how blue her eyes really were. _Keep your shit together Mitchell._ Beca warned herself.

"Oh, there's the Graysons." Marie said excitedly, looping her arm into Beca's and pulling her in the opposite direction. "Excuse us. It was great to see you Chloe." Marie smiled over her shoulder as Beca kept her eyes locked on the taller woman. Chloe winked playfully knowing that Beca was watching her. _Did she just wink at me?_ Beca shouted internally.

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Chloe wasn't sure she could manage to make it through the whole dinner without losing her mind but she was a Beale. She was expected to sit and look pretty, be polite and respectful. She frowned at the idea, causing her to remember the voices she heard earlier. "Chlo? You okay?" Grace whispered and nudged her older sister under the table with her foot.

"Huh? Uhh, yeah I'm good." Chloe forced a small smile. "Just ready to be done with this dinner." She mumbled too quietly for her younger sister to hear. Time seemed to drag on but Chloe kept handing her mother drinks. All of the girls seemed to be feeding their mothers alcohol in an attempt to make the dinner more bearable. "I'm going to go to the rest room, mind keeping mom distracted for a minute?" Chloe whispered in her mother's ear. Her sister nodded grimly and waved Chloe off. Stacie's eyes fell on the redhead as she walked briskly out of the room.

"Excuse me a moment." Stacie mumbled to Aubrey who just continued to talk about the classes she'd be taking in the fall for her senior year. Stacie walked slowly across the room but was stopped by Marie who began gushing on and on about how proud she was of Stacie and how she wished Elly had more drive to do something like her in college.

"Finally." Chloe muttered digging in her clutch for the little white pill she turned to head into the stall behind her but bumped into Beca. Dropping her clutch and the pills all over the floor. "Shit!" She grumbled bending down to quickly pick everything up.

"Dude, you really suck at this. How have you not got caught yet?" The younger girl mumbled with irritation as she squatted down to help the red head. Just then the door flew open. Stacie gasped at the sight of the redhead scrambling to pick up the pills.

"Excuse me what are you doing?" Stacie practically shouted causing the young Beale woman to jump. Turning with wide eyes and attempting to stutter a response.

"I was coming out of the stall and Chloe ran into me. She was just helping me pick my pills up." Beca faked an awkward smile and went back to the pills on the floor. "Before you ask no they aren't prescribed. Just please don't say anything to anyone." Beca added standing up with the pills in her hand.

"Don't tell say anything to anyone about what?" The voice of a fourth person entered the bathroom and Chloe gulped as she knew that this just got so much worse. Marie stood in the doorway with the look of utter shock on her face as she stared at the white pills in her niece's hand. "Are you kidding me?!" Her voice was shrill causing Chloe to flinch and stutter again.

"Aunt Marie, I can explain." Beca managed to stammer out before realizing that she really couldn't.

"No I don't want to hear it Beca. I thought all of this had stopped when you moved here. You promised." Marie's voice was full of tears as she looked back and forth between the three young woman. "Chloe Beale?" She asked almost mortified.

"No Aunt Marie. They weren't doing anything. They were just in the wrong place at the wrong time." Beca answered before Chloe could speak. Beca's aunt sighed in relief and turned to Stacie, Beca slipped the pills into Chloe's open clutch as all eyes fell on Stacie. Who now looked guilty for accusing Chloe.

"I saw Chloe rushing off to the bathroom and wanted to check on her. When I walked in she was picking the pills up off the ground and I-" She let her voice tail off as Chloe shot her a look. Chloe wasn't really sure what to say because she didn't want Beca to get in trouble but there was no way that she could let anyone find out that the drugs were really hers.

"I think it's time to go." Marie said through clenched teeth. Chloe shot Beca another grateful look as Beca inhaled deeply and walked out.

"Well, I guess that shouldn't have come as a surprise. I've seen that girl around and she's very… alternative." Stacie said selecting her last word carefully. _I want to get to know the alt girl._ Chloe thought to herself.

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 **A/N I'm so stoked for the next chapter. I'm starting to get more ideas now so the process hopefully won't take as long as it usually does.**


	3. Be Careful

**A/N ****Trigger warning**** Sexual abuse happens in this chapter. I don't go into extreme detail but I don't want anyone to read anything that may potentially harm them. **Drug use****

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"Beca Mitchell, what the hell are you doing?" Beca's aunt questioned as soon as she closed the car door and locked it. Beca stared straight ahead knowing that there was nothing she could do or say to calm her aunt down without giving Chloe away. "I thought we got passed this after you moved in with us?" Beca could feel the frustration building in her chest as her aunt spoke. Beca sat silently pulling on the bottom of her dress, feeling guilty for the sound of pain in her aunt's voice.

"I'm sorry." She finally mumbled after a moment of silence.

"Your uncle and I are going on a trip, we leave tonight. Which you knew about. We'll deal with this when we get home, this stays between us for now." Marie's face softened a little when she saw the look of pure despair on Beca's features. "Unless you need me to stay home. I know things have been hard lately." Marie settled her hand on the back of Beca's as she spoke.

"No aunt Marie. Please, go have fun. I'm sorry. We can talk about when you get home." Beca really was upset but her aunt thought she was rebelling when she wasn't and this would give her time to think of some story to tell her when she got back, maybe making the punishment less harsh.

"I miss her too Beca, remember that." Marie whispered, Beca's stomach turned at the thought of her mom. The small brunette nodded once in response and put her seatbelt on, signaling she was ready to go.

"Hey, dude you need to stop taking the blame for people and their drugs. You got off last time with a lengthy Mitchell house arrest but you're too old for that now." Elly stated as she walked into the front door of the guest house. "They might make you move back into the house." She added. "Which is cool with me, I'll trade you the loft in the shop for the guest house." Beca chuckled as her cousin dove onto the couch.

"No way man, I won the guest house fair and square. You were just too dumb to take my bet. Besides the shop works better for you because of your little side business, it's away from the view of the house so you can sneak your little addicts over for their fix." Elly shot Beca the middle finger and laughed.

"Why'd you cover for her?" Elly asked more serious now. Beca shrugged. _I have no idea why I keep doing stupid shit for pretty women but I really just didn't want her to get in trouble._ Beca thought to herself filled with confusion.

"She's got an image and well I've got nothing to lose. I'm the Mitchell family charity case and whatever so people already look at me like I'm trouble." Beca explained.

"You're not a charity case cuz. We're your family. Of course we took you in, you had nowhere else to go and face it we have the room. Besides, that was the best thing our family has ever done. You're like my best friend or something." Beca just nodded knowing Elly wasn't good with talking about her feelings just like she isn't. "Well, knowing Chloe Beale she's going to find a way to make it up to you."

"What do you mean?" Beca asked confused.

"I know I couldn't make it up to you when you covered for me at school but like you saved her image. Do you know what happens when one of the "families" has a corrupted child? Chloe would have been a dead man. I'm sure her parents would have quit paying for her schooling and shipped her across the world or something where no one could see her ever again. Chloe's not the kind of person who won't try and make up for the damage she's caused you for helping. She's a lot different than most the kids around here. Despite the fact that she uses drugs to have some fun, just… Don't judge her as a person based off that. That's not really who she is. She's just struggling with something." Beca listened intently to her cousin's response and started at her hands in silence when she finished. "She's coming to the party tonight. Maybe you should try to talk to her or something." Elly grinned as she walked to the fridge. "Got any beer out here?"

"Yeah in the mini fridge in the guest room." Beca stood up and grabbed two beers. Returning to place one in Elly's hand.

"Thought you weren't drinking tonight?" Elly teased.

"It's been a long day." Beca replied shortly before sliding onto the couch and reaching out to pet the black and white cat that Elly so readily named Riff because she loved playing guitar so much.. "So is everything set up?" Beca glanced out the window and towards the back of the mansion in front of them, unsure of how they'd set up everything when it was so insanely dark outside.

"Yeah as soon as the parental units leave I'll flip a switch and boom lights and music. I had some of the boys from work come by and set up when you were at dinner with mom. Dad was at some kind of meeting so I figured it would be the best way to do it. It was dark before you got home so there was no way possible for them to see the setup outside. You going to do some DJing tonight or nah?" Beca's ears perked up at the question Elly had just asked.

"Do you want me to?" Was the only response Beca could form because she wasn't really sure if she was in the mood, which is odd because no matter what if Beca does her DJ thing then she's automatically on cloud nine again. Elly hummed in approval.

"You don't have to all night if you don't want but for part of it I think it'd be pretty sweet. Besides most your sets are dope." Elly grinned into the mouth of her beer before taking a drink. "The lights in the house just went off. T minus twenty minutes until we can get this thing swinging into a full forced party bash." Just then Elly's eyes dropped to her phone which was buzzing obnoxiously on the table. "Excuse me one second." Elly lifted her phone and answered. "Hey Chlo. What's up?" Elly listened for a moment before laughing loudly, shaking her head. "Twenty minutes. Yes. No, what? Okay of course you can. No do not try that again this year. I swear to god Chloe Beale you'll be the death of me. Love you too." Beca listened to one side of the quick conversation, attempting to show little to no interest at all. "Ready?" Elly asked as she typed up a short text and sent it to the masses. "Let's get you set up by the pool and all the lights on. Welcome to Mitchell Paradise." Elly smirked the same way she always did before doing something crazy or something that only Elly would think of. Just minutes later guys where showing up with kegs, bottles, ice chests and tables for beer pong. The entire back patio had been turned into a card and pong area. Beca set up her equipment and speakers a little way back from the pool. Elly was setting up the alcohol on the bar next to the pool.

"Was it really necessary to build a full sized bar next to the pool?" Beca asked the shorter blonde.

"It was dad's idea not mine. Although I think I've used it way more than he ever will." Elly responded as she set out some limes in a little basket.

"Maybe he just built it outside so you'd have no excuse to throw parties inside the house?" Beca teased as she twisted the cap off her beer. More people had shown up and small groups were forming. "I'm going to put on one of your rock playlists until a little later and then I'll get up there and do my thing." Elly nodded in Beca's direction as if she was agreeing.

* * *

Chloe smiled to herself when she pulled her car down the gravel road that led into the back side of the Mitchell property. Parking her car just outside the guest house like she always did so she didn't have to worry about some dumb drunk asshole puking on or hitting her car later in the night. She hummed softly to herself as she walked towards the lights out on the other side of the guest house. The lyrics from a Pretty Reckless song floating into her ears. _I love these parties; I love this music even more._ Chloe thought happily. "Hey Ell!" Chloe slapped her short friend on the ass as she approached. Soliciting a grin in response.

"Hello Chicca." Elly replied before handing Chloe a red solo cup with pink contents. Chloe raised her eyebrow and Elly chuckled. "It's my Mitchell mix." Chloe nodded knowing that it was going to taste delicious but probably get her drunk faster than she needed to be. "Here. Take one." Elly offered her hand out with three different pills, all different shapes and sizes. "Acid, E or the capsule is molly."

"Oh! That's easy. E." Chloe beamed her signature smile as Elly handed it to her.

"Be safe tonight, I'll probably be manning the bar if you need anything let me know. Otherwise you've been here a million times. You know where everything is." Chloe nodded and walked off to socialize until the drugs took effect. A tall blonde caught her eye from across the pool.

"Aubrey!" Chloe ran and flung herself on the modest woman, squeezing her until she was sure she would break the other woman's ribs. "Sorry." The redhead muttered when they broke apart.

"It's okay, I missed you too. I'm going to grab a drink. Stacie should be right behind me." The smiled as she watched her other best friend walk away just before Stacie appeared.

"Hey red." Stacie's expression was still serious and Chloe awkwardly took a drink from her cup. "We need to talk." Chloe sighed heavily knowing where this was going, she nodded to let the girl know she was listening. "Those pills in the bathroom, they weren't the brunette's were they?" Chloe opened her mouth to respond when she felt her elbow being pulled in the opposite direction and her head started to get the happy high feeling.

"Come play pong with me." Tom said as Chloe focused her eyes. _Shit, I didn't want you to be here tonight._ Chloe thought angrily to herself. Tom spun on his heels, much taller than Chloe he looked down and frowned. "What are you wearing?" Chloe had to chomp down the inside of her lip to keep from snapping at him. She rocked up on her toes and planted a not so loving kiss on his lips.

"Let's play pong." She smiled when he blinked his eyes back open. She glanced around him at the table where she could see Lucas and his girlfriend Natalie waiting. _This is going to be a long night._ Chloe squeezed her eyes shut trying to remind herself to keep her composure. Like always Chloe and Tom dominated the pong table with ease. The music had gone from rock to these really cool mixes that you would hear at a club or something. Just as Chloe was about to stumble off for a drink she was sure she didn't need. She'd lost count of how many she'd had and where Stacie and Aubrey went off to. Tom grabbed her wrist and pulled her towards the house. "Tom, not tonight. I just want to hang out and listen to music." She tried to push him off but was too messed up to function properly.

"This is hanging out; we'll open the window so you can hear the music. It'll be fun." Tom mumbled into the side of Chloe's neck. His hands were rough as the worked on the buttons on her vest. Chloe began to protest. "Shut the fuck up Chloe." Tom snapped, slamming her back into the wall. A sharp pain shooting through her body at the contact. Chloe was fighting back the tears.

"Tom please." She pleaded trying to turn her face away from his. His hand connected with her cheek and the forceful slap told her that she wasn't getting out of it. "Don't do this again." She mumbled as he sat on her chest and unbuttoned his pants. Taking no time at all to tear Chloe's off and toss them on the floor. The harder Chloe struggled the harder he dug his fingers into her skin. Causing her to cry out in pain.

"If you don't shut the fuck up I'm going to have to beat the shit out of you. Is that what you want?" Tom hissed as he held his hand down tight over Chloe's mouth. Tears and mascara were now running down her cheeks. Chloe instantly felt sober again as she felt the pain of him inside of her. Crying softly as he grunted and forced himself inside of her over and over again. After a few minutes she turned her head and stared at the clock _._ Silent tears stopped as irony seemed to seep into the air when the voices from outside chimed in as an old song filtered through the speakers.

 _ **"Oh, clouds of time seem to rain on innocence left behind. It never goes away. Can you stay strong? Can you go on? Kristy, are you doing okay? A rose that won't bloom, winter's kept you. Don't waste your whole life trying to get back what was taken away."**_

Chloe focused on the lyrics floating in through the open window as the repetitive motions became numbing, her body was screaming in pain but her mind wasn't even there anymore. She was somewhere else completely. Eyes still watching the alarm clock on the night stand next to the bed. She watched the minutes barely tick by for about a half hour before Tom collapsed in a heap of disgusting sweat and pants. Chloe sat up and slid off the bed in silence, searching for her pants. When she found them she walked to the bathroom and locked the door. Turning the sink on so she could fix her mascara and her hair. When she locked eyes with herself in the mirror her stomach twisted and she had to spin around to make it to the toilet in time. _I can't believe it happened again, how could you be so fucking stupid? You're such a fucking idiot!_ Chloe silently cursed herself after she finished puking and fixed her appearance before walking past Tom to the party. Not stopping when she heard him call her name.

"Hey where have you been?" Stacie asked Chloe as she suddenly reappeared at the bar. Elly turned around Chloe nodded once asking for another drink. "Chloe are you okay?" The tall brunette asked when Chloe didn't respond to her first question. Chloe swallowed the lump in her throat.

"Can I get six shots of tequila?" Chloe asked Elly who just laughed in return. "Let's do shots, where's Aubrey at?" At that moment as if she had heard Chloe say her name, Aubrey appeared out of nowhere smiling drunkenly at Chloe. "Here Posen." She handed Aubrey a shot knowing she wouldn't oppose since she was obviously already drunk. Stacie eyed Chloe suspiciously but was too drunk to press the issue further and took a glass for herself also. Chloe didn't even wince as the alcohol went down.

"I don't want the other one, I have to drive this one home here pretty soon." Stacie said as Chloe tried to hand her the other glass. Chloe shrugged and handed it to Aubrey who took it gratefully and chomped down on a lime. Chloe threw back both shots before stumbling numbly off towards the DJ. Her head pounding, vison blurry from the fact that she was now drunk again and still high. She took a cup out of someone's hand before jumping up on a table and belting the words to a PVRIS song.

* * *

 **A/N can't wait to post the next chapter. Things are finally getting somewhere! Don't worry, Bechloe will happen eventually. Song in this chapter is Kristy Are You Doing Okay by The Offspring**


	4. Just Tonight

**A/N This chapter has a lot of background information about Beca in it. There's obviously more to come in future chapters. Along with Chloe. There's an introduction to a really important character in this chapter that you'll probably hear a lot about or see more of in future entries. **There is also a flashback in the middle of the chapter that will be bold and in italics. Lyrics are in bold. ***Trigger warning mentions of self harm**** feedback is always appreciated from anyone.**

* * *

Chloe stirred as she heard the sound of chirping birds, not quite ready to open her eyes she yanks the covers over her head. After about ten minutes of lying there regretting her decisions she sits up. Clutching her head and groaning again she cracks her eye open to try and observe her surroundings. Covering her face with her hands she falls back into the bed only peeking through her fingers when she feels weight on the bed next to her. _Why is there a cat?_ She thought to herself in confusion before darting up. _Where the fuck am I?_ She was clutching the sheets to her chest before she looked down and gulp. _Oh god. Fuck. Fuck. Fuck._ Profanities were flying through her head so fast she couldn't keep up. She slowly lifted the blankets. "SHIT!" Chloe yelled before falling back again. "Not again!" She groaned into her hands. Her memories from the previous night still super blurry and distant. She glanced to one side of the room and didn't recognize any of the decorations and groaned even louder.

"So, good morning?" The voice asked hesitantly and for the first time Chloe realized she wasn't alone in the room. She craned her neck to the other side of the room and saw the tiny brunette from the country club sitting in a desk chair sipping on what smelled like coffee, her legs criss cross and her hair thrown in a messy bun, last night's makeup still on her face. _She looks so damn hot!_ Chloe frowned at the thought in her head. Chloe shifted awkwardly trying to keep the blankets across her chest. Her eyes widening when the idea that she was naked in someone else's bed after a party hit her.

"Did we uhh-" Chloe asked as fear crept into her voice. Don't get her wrong she had her one night stand period when she started college but she was long passed that at this point and hadn't planned on going back. The younger woman laughed and shook her head violently.

"No no no. First off I don't sleep with unconscious people. Especially not umm.. How much do you remember about last night?" A look of concern was written on her face. _Chloe what the fuck did you do?_ Was all Chloe could think at first.

"I parked my car outside of the guest house at Elly's. Then I took some E, had a few drinks. Tom made me play beer pong with him or whatever so I drank more." Chloe's eyes snapped up and she remembered clear as day. All she could do was shudder as tears stung her eyes. "Tom." Her eyes shifted uneasily back to the other girl's eyes. Discomfort and anger clearly burning in her eyes. "I umm- Came back outside. Took more shots with Aubrey and Stacie. I remember belting a PVRIS song on a table. And that's it." Chloe finished with a heavy sigh.

"You singing on that table was pretty comical. Especially when you requested Stacy's mom. And your friend Aubrey is it? The blonde got up on the table and got so into it. I think the brunette might have actually thought she thought her mom was hot." The mystery girl laughed coolly in front of Chloe who shook her head believing the story entirely. "After that, I set up a playlist for the rest of the crowd. You and your two friends had vanished so I figured you left with them. I wasn't expecting to come out here and hear the shower running. I thought some stupid couple was fucking. Then I walked in to the bathroom and you were completely catatonic. Fully clothed and everything sitting under the cold water." She shot Chloe a sympathetic look.

"What?" Chloe was struggling to dig the memory up but couldn't which was frustrating her. She stared at the seemingly nameless girl in front of her waiting for her to continue. Finally noticing how badly her body hurt.

"I asked if you wanted me to call anyone to come get you and you just pulled your knees to your chest and sobbed. Eventually I panicked and didn't know what to do, I turned the water off and climbed in the tub and held you until you stopped. I tried to get you to change but at that point you started crying again. I pulled your shirt and pants off figuring it'd be better to sleep in a wet bra and underwear than soaking clothes." She paused but before she could continue Chloe interrupted.

"And then I woke up?" Chloe was exhausted and she believed the woman sitting in front of her, she also felt extremely guilty for putting her through that.

"No, I got you in bed after you took the rest of your clothes off I might add. Then you asked me to sit next to you because you were scared and tired of feeling alone. So I did, holding your hand until you fell asleep." The girl closed her mouth and thought for a moment before she spoke again, looking like she was unsure if it was a good idea to finish. "When you were sleeping you wouldn't stop crying. And talking. You were yelling at Tom to stop. That you didn't want to." She awkwardly ran her hand through her hair. "That he was hurting you and you didn't want to." The girl shifted slightly before locking eyes with Chloe. Chloe knowing right then that she knew. _I just met this girl like twenty-four hours ago and she knows two of my secrets. At least she only knows about this time._ Chloe choked back tears as she thought quietly to herself. "Red," She smiled encouragingly and my eyes widened at the casual nickname in such a heavy moment. Her eyes saddened quickly. "That's not the first time this has happened is it?" Chloe didn't want to look at her anymore, she didn't want to talk about it anymore. She pinched the bridge of her nose. "Here." Beca gestured to an advil bottle and glass of water next to the bet. Then set a pair of shorts and an old team tshirt on the bed. "I know it's nothing fancy but it's better than the wet clothes. You can shower if you need to." Chloe looked around again still unsure of her surroundings before she caught glimpse of her car just outside.

"Is this Elly's guest house?" Chloe asked quietly as the brunette stood up.

"Yeah, when I moved in last fall Elly moved to the loft above the shop because it made her deals easier and I took over out here. Sorry I thought you knew where you were." The girl chuckled lightly before awkwardly smiling and leaving the room. She backed up and sighed. "Chloe right? Don't worry, if you don't want to tell anyone your secret is safe with me." The small alternative girl walked away leaving her sentence hanging in the air.

* * *

"You always rope me into crazy shit! Know who gets caught, gets the shit end, gets in trouble or ends up babysitting every single time?" Beca glared at Elly across the kitchen counter of the guest house. Beca's phone was ringing but she didn't feel like trying to find it in the messy living room. Sighing at the thought of Chloe's break down weeks ago. How could someone do something like that to such a beautiful person? Beca had only met her three times now but her heart really ached for the girl. Beca frowned absently.

"Come on dude." Elly narrowed her eyes in an attempt to intimidate Beca. "You've been locked up in this house all summer. You leave in like a week to go to college." Beca couldn't help but let a sinister laugh out.

"And who's fault is that again? I should be going to LA." Elly sighed as her cousin's angry words settled. "If I hadn't covered for you in high school with those stupid pills I wouldn't have had to agree to go to Barden for a year before I can get my inheritance and go to LA." Elly shifted as guilt etched into her features. Beca sighed in defeat. "Where and when?" Elly's head snapped up and her eyes were sparkling.

"This afternoon we go on at 5. It's just a small dive bar on the outside of town called The Riff Off. There's a fake underneath your steering wheel." Elly grinned with excitement, Beca had never seen her band play because most of the members were gone a majority of the year for college. "It's just a bunch of covers. But it'll be fun I promise!" Beca nodded grimly. Elly had asked me to DJ for her a few times over the summer. She queued up a few lists only going to the equipment to make a few adjustments and change the set. Avoiding any socializing. Beca watched the parties from her window, searching the crowds for the red haired woman. Watching from a distance when she came into view. Ignoring her knocks on the door with a guilty feeling the few times she tried to find her. Eventually she quit trying. Beca was lost in thought when her phone rang again. This time she scrambled to find it, eventually realizing it was shoved between the couch cushions.

" _Hey kid."_ The familiar voice muttered on the other end of the line causing Beca to grin to herself.

"Hey Taylor, what's up?" Beca responded easily.

 _"_ _I was starting to get worried, I've been calling you all morning."_ The older woman's voice sounded as if she were frowning and Beca couldn't help but laugh.

"You mean the goddess of rock and roll was scared?" Beca teased her older sister. Silence came from the phone and Beca had to make sure the call was still on the line. "What's going on sis?" Beca's brow furrowed as a bunch of bad thoughts rushed her spinning mind.

 _"_ _Dammit Ben if you weren't the best guitarist I know I'd consider firing you sometimes."_ Her sister sighed deeply. _"_ _Sorry Becs, I swear I'm surrounded by idiots sometimes."_ A few protests came from the background and Taylor laughed lazily. _"_ _Anyways to the point I guess. I have a few days of R and R. I figured I could come visit you before you head off to college."_ Before Beca could respond her sister spoke again. _"_ _If you don't mind that is."_

"Of course not, when were you thinking?" Beca agreed without even thinking about it. It had been almost six months since she saw her older sister last.

 _"_ _I'm about two hours away so I figured I could be there this afternoon. I'll crash on the couch or whatever."_

"Taylor I have a spare bedroom. You know that." Beca thought for a second. "Elly and her band are playing some gig at a dive bar later. Around four or five I guess. Wanna go with me?"

 _"_ _Which bar?"_ Her sister asked sounded distracted. Taylor was always distracted though.

"The Riff Off." Beca answered receiving a laugh in return. "What?"

 _"_ _I'll meet you there. I used to do gigs at that place all the time in high school. Elly got you a fake right?"_ Beca nodded before realizing her sister couldn't see the gesture.

"Yeah. Hey, umm. How are you?" Beca didn't like bringing up personal details with her sister often but they hadn't talked in a long time and she had a lot of questions.

 _"_ _I'm still taking me meds and doing treatments. No worries. I'll see you soon kid."_ Taylor disconnected before Beca could speak. Beca rolled her eyes before setting her phone down and quickly moving throughout her space, picking up clothing and empty containers. She did the dishes and took a shower before quickly dressing and getting in her car to drive across town.

"ID please." The man at the door asked barley glancing at Beca. She handed him a fake and he stamped her hand. Beca glanced around the crowded bar and waved to Elly who was testing the equipment on stage who shot her a grateful smile in return. Beca made her way to the bar and got a beer before finding a seat at a small table in the back corner, getting comfortable as she waited for the set to start. Scrolling through her social media as she grew bored, a voice on stage caught her attention. Elly was standing off to the side with her guitar grinning widely as a redhead laughed next to her. Beca squinted in confusion.

"Hey everyone." The tall girl spoke into the microphone, receiving some noise from the now packed bar. "Thank you for coming out. We don't get to do this often because we're a bunch off crazy college kids, we appreciate the great turn out." Beca took in the appearance of Chloe Beale on stage. Complete with a lot of black eye liner, torn up black skinny jeans and a black band shirt that had been turned into a muscle shirt. "We're just doing some covers. Here to have fun and hoping you enjoy. Our first song is a PVRIS cover called My House." She stepped back from the microphone as the band began to play. Her voice full of pure emotion as she began to sing. Beca chugged the last of the beer she was holding and set it down.

"Good thing I got two." The voice caused Beca to jump. She looked to the left of her to see her sister placing another beer on the table for her. Beca stood up and hugged her sister quickly. "I haven't seen Elly play before. What did I miss?" Beca eyed the blonde as she sat down and kicked her feet up on the empty chair, taking note that her expression showed that she was taking care of herself.

"They just started." Beca stated evenly as her eyes fell on Chloe. "How was the drive?" Beca looked back to see her sister shrug and left it at that. They watched in silence until the next song started, a grin twisting onto both their faces as the recognized the song.

"They have good taste." Taylor teased as they began to play Just Tonight by The Pretty Reckless.

 **"** **Here we are and I can't think from all the pills, hey. Start the car and take me home. Here we are and you're too drunk to hear a word I say. Start the car and take me home. Just tonight I will stay and we'll throw it all away."**

"Wow that girl has one hell of a voice." Taylor said before focusing her attention back on the music. Beca nodded, her eyes locked on Chloe's face as she sang. A mixture of sadness and sympathy feeling her body as thought about what this song meant to Chloe.

 **"** **Here I am and I can't seem to see straight. But I'm too numb to feel right now. And here I am watching the clock that's ticking away my time. I'm too numb to feel right now."**

Beca fought back the urge to tell Taylor about the redhead but knew that she made a promise not to.

 **"** **Do you understand who I am, do you want to know? Can you really see through me? Now I've got to go. Just tonight I won't leave and I'll lie and you'll believe. Just tonight, I won't see that it's all because of me."**

Beca stared in disbelief at how well the redhead sang the words to her sister's song. Taylor seemed to enjoy how well the band sounded and glanced at Beca. "What's up shorty?" When Beca met her sister's eyes the badass façade faded and she shrank in her seat.

"I just know that she's been through a lot." Beca stated safely avoiding any context of what the details were. Her sister tilted her head as she thought back.

"Isn't she a Beale?" The question was causal but still caught Beca off guard. "I went to school at the same time as her. Things were kind of rough for her I guess. I mean if you didn't pay attention you'd never have noticed." Taylor laughed softly. "But you know how I am. I notice everything." Beca was still staring straight ahead as her sister took in her body lagauge. "Which leads me to my next question. What's going on? I know you better than anyone." Beca hesitated but couldn't stop the words from tumbling out after a moment and she explained all the details to her sister, who patiently listened and nodded occasionally. "There's more to it Becs." This really threw the younger sister off.

"What?" Beca's voice cracked. Curious on what her sister knew that she didn't.

"I don't know anything, just look at her." Taylor hitched her head toward the girl singing a different song at this point. "It's more than what you know. No one may no." Taylor sat back in her seat, telling Beca silently that she was done talking about this.

"Have you been okay? Have you…" Taylor laughed at the younger girl's awkward attempt at a question.

"I've got it under control. No voices. No panic attacks. Nightmares happen occasionally but that's about it." Beca searched her Taylor's features and sighed when she couldn't read anything that signaled that she wasn't being truthful. "I've got it under control kid. It's not like it was when mom died." Beca sighed again and closed her eyes. Her attention caught by a lot of movement on the stage.

"So this song is a favorite as of recently. I met this really amazing person my first day back for break and she really helped me out one night. I'll never be able to repay her for that. So to the mystery girl with the dark blue eyes, wherever you are. This is for you. Take it easy on me. This is the first acoustic song I've preformed." Chloe spoke nervously. Beca's eyes widened as she leaned forward in her seat. Unaware of Taylor carefully watching her. She began to strum the guitar flawlessly and Beca sat back in her seat. Knowing the song right away, she had listened to Taylor write it back when she was sick and Beca was the only person she'd talk to. She remembered laying in the bed across the room as Taylor sat up with a flashlight playing this song in the dark over and over again at night. The bar was silent except for Chloe's voice and the haunting sound of the guitar.

 **"** **You don't want me, oh. You don't need me. Like I want you, oh. Like I need you. And I want you in my life. And I need you in my life. You can't see me, no. Like I see you. I can't have you, no. Like you have me. And I want you in my life. And I need you in my life."**

* * *

 ** _Taylor was crying hysterically, rocking back and forth in the fetal position as Beca walked into the room after band practice. Beca dropped her bag and ran over to the catatonic blonde. Pulling her hands down from her ears. "Taylor listen to me, look at me sis." She lifted Taylor's chin gently with her fingers. The look of pure horror written in her eyes. Beca sighed as she slipped her legs under her sister's knees. Pulling them back until her chest was against the older girl's. Pushing Taylor's head into her shoulder, she rocked the back and forth._**

 ** _"_** ** _Get out of my head." Taylor sobbed over and over again. Beca had been here too many times and knew that her sister was afraid. The doctors had told them she was schizophrenic. Their dad had flipped out, refusing to allow his adopted-stepdaughter to take the medications the doctors had prescribed. As if ignoring her illness would make it go away. He then decided that ignoring his daughters all together was the best course of action. Beca cursed is ignorance silently in her head. Taylor hadn't stopped crying so Beca did the only thing she knew to do._**

 ** _"_** ** _And I want you in my life and I need you in my life." Her words came out as a hushed song and she felt Taylor tense up. They were the words she had repeated over and over again to her sister when Taylor had said that the voices were right. That she would be better off to kill herself so Beca didn't have to take care of her. "I want you in my life. I need you in my life." Beca repeated louder. Humming as she rocked her sister back and forth. "Taylor, it's okay I'm here."_**

 ** _"_** ** _Beca I don't want to do this anymore." Beca looked at the floor behind Taylor and choked down a sob as she saw blood and a razor on the floor. She pulled back as she felt the sobs stop._**

 ** _"_** ** _You can't see me, like I see you." Beca sighed. She took her the bloody arm in her hand and wiped a few tears from her eyes. "We're going to get you better Taylor. We'll figure this out. I promise." Beca's eyes locked on her sister's. "I'm not going to leave you. I don't care what the voices say. You're the only family I have left. We'll beat this. I promise."_**

 ** _"_** ** _Mom couldn't beat it. She listened to the voices. She believed them. Maybe they're right." New tears were pooling in her eyes._**

 ** _"_** ** _Don't talk like that. This is dad's fault. He wouldn't get her help when she needed it. We didn't know how to help her. I won't let that happen to you. I can't lose you. Just don't move okay, I'm going to go get the first aid kit." Beca stood and rushed across the hall to the bathroom. Locking the bedroom door when she returned. "Let me see it." Beca asked patiently, sadness and anger making her hands shake as she cleaned the wounds and bandaged them up. "Look, all good." Beca stood, kicking the kit under her bed and pulled Taylor to her feet._**

 ** _"_** ** _I wrote you something. Well it's something for you and mom. But mostly you." Taylor wiped a tear away with her sleeve. "Wanna hear it?" Beca smiled and sat across the room on her twin sized bed nodding. Taylor took her place on her own twin sized bed, grabbing her guitar before sitting down. As soon as the chords started Beca couldn't focus on anything else._**

* * *

Taylor's hand slipped into Beca's. Bringing Beca back to reality. Beca focused on the singer in front of her.

 **"** **You can't feel me, no. Like I feel you. I can't steal you like you stole me. And I want you in my life. And I need you in my life."**

Chloe strummed out the rest of the song before the whole bar burst out in applause. Taylor shifting awkwardly as she clapped. Beca looked around to see people trying to point subtly at the blonde next her. Whispering and staring like they weren't sure if it was who they thought it was or not. "Hey I'm gonna sneak out. People are starting to notice me." Taylor's face fell a little as her eyes lingered on Chloe up front. "She's really good." She added before chugging the rest of her beer. "She deserves everyone's attention. I just don't want to steal it." She frowned at her feet before standing.

"I'll come with you." Beca finished her beer before pushing her seat back. She hesitated as Chloe's laugh rang through the air. "I've never seen anyone play that as well as you. No offense." Taylor smiled at the young brunette squeezing her hand.

"She played it better."

* * *

 **Song in this chapter is You by The Pretty Reckless**


	5. Barden University

**A/N Just a really quick update as a filler before I head into work. I'll have another one up either tonight or tomorrow. Nothing too heavy in this chapter.**

* * *

Chloe sat on the edge of her tub as she stared at her feet. She was happy to be back at Barden but avoiding Tom was growing increasingly hard. **_You're a worthless whore._** Chloe's eyes narrowed as the familiar yet unwanted voices filled her already overwhelmed mind. ** _Stupid little whore._** Chloe shook her head and squeezed her eyes shut before standing up to brush her teeth. Her eyes shifted as they settled on her reflection. **_Ugly slut._** One voice screamed. **_Kill yourself!_** Came another. **_Do you really think anyone would miss you?_** Chloe was gripping the edge of the counter so hard that her knuckles hurt. "Please just go away." She whined to the empty room. **_Chloe. Chloe. Chloe. Chloe. Chloe. Worthless Chloe. Pour little whore. Chloe. Chloe. Chloe. Chloe._** The voices all joined together causing Chloe to drop to her knees, covering her ears in a desperate attempt to shut the voices off. "GET THE FUCK OUT OF MY HEAD!" She screamed before collapsing into a heap of tears on the floor. After what seemed like forever she composed herself and walked outside. Finding Aubrey standing at the Bella booth she smiled. Wishing she had taken something before she left their apartment. The paused out flyers and talked about auditions with a few girls before Chloe was about to give up. Feeling another fit coming on she shifted uncomfortably before her eyes landed on a brunette walking towards them. Chloe grinned brightly, ignoring the buzzing in her head. "Hi." Her face lighting up when the brunette smiled back.

"I didn't know you went to Barden?" The mystery girl cocked her head to one side curiously.

"Yeah. Yeah me either." Chloe paused giggling. "I mean I knew that I go here. I just didn't know you went here."

"Yeah." Replied the shorter woman. "I'm Beca." She smiled lazily.

"Beca." Chloe repeated happily. "This is Aubrey; I can't remember if you met her." Chloe added.

"Stacey's mom." Beca retorted with her signature grin on her face. Aubrey scoffed and stomped her foot. Chlo just giggled at the interaction. "Sore subject?" She fired.

"Aca-excuse me?" Aubrey's voice rose. Chloe beamed before handing Beca a flyer. She stared down at it awkwardly.

"I don't sing, but I wanted to tell you that your show at Riff Off was awesome." Beca leaned back. "It was great to see you." She turned on her heel and walked away before Chloe could say anything. Leaving Chloe dumbfounded as she stood there staring after her.

"She was there?" Chloe whispered to herself. _**Don't waste your time red. No one wants you.**_ Chloe clenched her teeth as she let the voice's words settle in her heart. _They're probably right._

* * *

"No Taylor you're not listening!" Beca shouted anxiously into the phone. Earning a string of profanities from her older sibling. "Sorry." She muttered an apology for yelling

. "No, but Chloe. The redhead from the bar. The one that sang your songs…" Beca paused to listen to sister's interruption. "Yeah, the hot one with the killer eyes. Anyways, she goes to school here. I saw her today. She wanted me to adudition for this lame acapella thing."

 _"_ _Do it short stack."_ Her sister promted.

"I can't sing so just no. Anyways like what do I do?" Beca whined.

 _"_ _Don't be a pussy. Talk to her. Ask her out. No, don't do that. Just talk to her. You heard that killer tribute to you. She used MY song for you. Come on the girl has to be a keeper."_ Taylor teased at Beca's expense.

"But what about all the other stuff. Like…"

 _"_ _Stop, no one is perfect Beca. You of all people should know that. Look at where we came from. Look at ME. I'm a rockstar with schizophrenia. Like come on. Don't be so dense. I'm sure there's more to her story then her daddy's money and recreational drug use. She's Chloe Beale for fuck sake."_ Taylor grew silent for a moment as a muffled voice came through Beca's speaker. _"_ _I gotta go kid. I love you, I'll put your name on the list for the Atlanta show. Maybe you should ask Red if she wants to tag along. And hey, take care of yourself okay?"_ Taylor disconnected before Beca could even respond.

"Fuck." Beca mumbled to herself after dropping her phone on the bed.

"Talking to yourself is an early sign of psychosis." Kimmy Jin spoke up causing Beca to roll her eyes and grab her coat. She walked down to the quad and searched for a place to sit. When she found an unoccupied space under a shady tree, she plopped down and put her headphones on. Pulling up a playlist of mixes she had recently done and listened intently. Only looking up as a pair of feet appeared next to her.

"Can I help you?" She half growled and half whined looking up to see Chloe staring down at her.

"Can I sit?" The redhead asked, hugging her notebook closer to her chest. Beca hesitated before nodding slightly, her Taylor's words echoing in her head. Chloe sat down and stretched out, obviously making herself comfortable before starting to speak. "So, you saw the show?" She asked a little nervously.

"Yeah, I was there for most of it." Beca replied while placing her headphone around her neck. Chloe frowned for a moment but her bubbly exterior came back quickly. "That song you did for that girl." Beca paused while watching Chloe from the corner of her eye. "It was great." Chloe just accepted the compliment before shifting towards Beca.

"It was for you." She stated before kissing Beca on the cheek and walking away. _Mitchell what the hell are you getting yourself into?_


	6. Always The Bathroom

Chloe was sitting on the edge of the table in the library, scanning a book in hopes to find the answer she'd been searching for over the course of the last hour. Frustration sank in as she slammed the book down, flinching as the sound echoed through the silent building. Waving apologetically at the librarian she began to stalk off to the back wall in hopes of finding the correct book. _Who even uses books anymore?_ She thought to herself, turning the corner slowly, scanning the shelves as she went. Absently touching the spines of books she'd never seen before, smiling softly to herself. She felt good today, without the drugs. Chloe felt like she was okay today. She knocked a book down and squatted to retrieve it, smiling when she noticed that it was the book she'd been searching for. _How ironic._ She thought to herself grinning from ear to ear. That's when the hair on the back of her neck stood up. She shifted her eyes up slowly in front of her.

"We need to talk babe." Tom's voice was smooth as silk but it still made Chloe cringe. She turned to walk the other way, finding that her path was now blocked off. She rolled her eyes and sighed heavily, knowing Tom couldn't actually hurt her here because they were in a public place. It didn't help her subdue the fear she felt though. "Please?" His eyes played a fake puppy dog look and Chloe couldn't help but laugh in his face.

"Okay, I need to study. But I can… Come over tonight and we'll talk." Chloe hesitated when she realized how bad of an idea this was but it was too late.

"Perfect, we're having a party!" Tom spoke excitedly before frowning at the sight of the redhead shaking her head.

"No, I'm coming over to talk. That's it. I'm not having a drink. I'm def not partying tonight." Chloe stated with authority and Tom nodded hesitantly before Chloe raised an eyebrow and jerked her thumb towards Tom's friend. Tom nodded and the college boy stepped aside causing Chloe to shiver as he eyed her hungrily. Chloe's strides were longer than usual as she approached her belongings and stuffed them into her bag. Stopping at the counter to check out the book she finally found, only looking back to make sure no one was following her. The content feeling, she had earlier had been completely drowned by fear and disgust. **_Slut._** The single word bore down into Chloe's brain so far she couldn't get it out. Chloe began running and didn't stop as the tears fell from her eyes. She skidded around the corner into the communal dorm bathroom and slammed a stall door shut, locking it behind her. She sat on the toilet and pulled her knees to her chest. Sobbing loudly unto her thighs before her body stiffened at the sound in her head. **_Come on Chloe, just do it._** Chloe shook her head, knowing she really didn't want to. Knowing deep down it was a bad idea. ** _Chloooooeeeee._** The voices called seductively inside her mind, she lifted her head. ** _Just once, it'll make you feel better._** Chloe stared at her bag and sat motionless. **_It'll be so easy, just close your eyes. We've helped you do it before. Don't you trust us?_** The voices were calm and welcoming and Chloe didn't know what to do. If she refused, then they'd become angry and she knew if she complied that they'd leave her alone for a little while. She leaned forward, hesitating to unzip her bag. When she finally did she removed a small box. Popping the lid open she pulled out a wrapped up hand towel. Unrolling it, she set it on top of the paper dispenser. Eying the contents warily, a razor, a couple gauze pads, sterile wipes, medical tape and a few band aids. Chloe lifted the silver tool in front of her eyes. Squinting to see her reflection before rolling up the sleeve to her sweatshirt. **_Good girl, almost there._** She shivered at the touch of the cold blade before grabbing the extra shirt from her bag and stuffing it in her mouth. She closed her eyes and pressed hard, pulling the blade quickly across her skin. Only looking down to replace the skin over another one of her old scars. She repeated the process seven or eight times before dropping the blade on the towel and holding toilet paper over the fresh wounds. Grimacing when she finally inspected the depth of them. She panicked as she noticed that one of them was still white and hadn't started bleeding yet, while the others gushed. After fighting down more sobs Chloe closed her eyes and took a deep breath. Steading herself before bandaging her arm. She packed everything up quickly and stepped out of the stall. Glancing in the mirror she caught sight of Beca. _Are you serious? Right now?_ Her thoughts fogged over with frustration.

"Oh, Chloe hey. What's up?" Beca seemed nervous at the sight of the redhead but Chloe pushed the absurd thought out of her mind. Chloe smiled sweetly at the distracted brunette. "Hey look," Chloe watched as Beca's eyes shifted awkwardly between Chloe and the ground before she stood up straighter. More confident. Chloe smiled to herself at this moment but didn't say anything. Beca opened her mouth and kind of leaned forward on the balls of her feet. "Are you like… Busy right now?" Beca's voice was confident and strong now, much to Chloe's pleasure.

"Actually, no I'm not." Chloe answered pushing the stinging feeling of her arm out of her thoughts. Beca's eyes shot open excitedly but then she inhaled deeply and her cool exterior took over.

"Would you be opposed to me buying you a coffee?" Beca's demeanor was screaming of her disinterest but her stormy blue eyes gave her away. Chloe bit her lower lip for a moment before responding, satisfied when Beca held her composure.

"On one condition." Chloe answered in an almost husky voice. Beca's eyes flashed something for a moment but settled into their stormy state again just as quickly. She hummed in response. "You have to tell me something about you. Something serious. We obviously know that you know a couple of my many secrets. I want to know some of yours." Beca didn't speak as something injected into her deep blue eyes. _Was that fear? Or am I just seeing things?_ Chloe thought to herself as she got ready to walk away when Beca didn't respond after a few moments.

"Wait, okay. But I decide what to tell you." Beca's eyes narrowed as she stared at Chloe who was standing there like she had just won some great victory. Chloe hooked her uninjured arm in Beca's and towed her from the bathroom. Beca shrank away from Chloe at first, which caused her to frown. When Chloe's grip tightened Beca relaxed. _This will be interesting._ Chloe thought as she stared at the girl's almost but not quite blank face. Smiling whenever Beca glanced back at her.

* * *

Beca stared as the red head traced shapes on the side of her coffee with one hand, gently resting the other on her left forearm. She made a mental note of this but reverted her eyes to the older woman's face. "Sooooo." Chloe spoke exaggeratedly. Beca bit hard on her cheek to keep from smiling. "Correct me if I'm wrong but so far what I've got is that you're a DJ, Elly's cousin. You moved in with her your senior year after your sister moved out. Your father isn't in the picture and your mom passed away." Beca nodded slowly. "You don't like to drink and you don't do drugs. But because of Elly you can be around all of it in moderation." Beca held back a smile as she nodded again, the red head was very good at remembering the details. "Your favorite color is purple, you hate football and you got a tattoo of headphones on your wrist as a reminder of what is helped you become who you are." Beca nodded slower this time. "Okay, well tell me a secret." Chloe's eyes were challenging. Beca had many life shattering secrets, she cycled through them trying to decide if she felt comfortable enough to say any of them out loud for the first time. She couldn't fight back a grin as her mind settled on something.

"I find you extremely sexy." The confidence in her own voice made her chuckle, Chloe's reaction made her laugh harder.

"Wh-what?" The red head gasped, for the second time now Beca had seen the goddess' confidence falter, the other time being the morning she awoke in Beca's bed.

"Yeah. Anyways, so you're totally into The Pretty Reckless right?" Beca kept her eyes on Chloe as she took a sip of her coffee. Chloe nodded, still not being able to shake off Beca's confession. "And you don't totally hate spending time with me right?" Beca winked at the end of her question. Chloe flashed her the Chloe Beale smile and shrugged. "They're playing in Atlanta in a week." Beca stated leaning back in her chair.

"The show has been sold out since like three days after tickets went on sale." Chloe responded flatly with a frown.

"Well, what would you say if I asked you to go with me?" Beca's arm was resting on the backrest and she watched Chloe with calculating eyes. Chloe practically jumped, accidently hitting her arm with her hand. Wincing at the contact, Beca furrowed her brow from her position.

"What you-you have tickets?! I'd love to go! How did you get tickets?" Chloe's eyes shown a new shade of blue and Beca took mental note at how much she loved the color. Smiling slyly at the redhead she couldn't help but think that her sister had been right.

"I know some people. So I'll take that as a yes?" Beca asked just to be sure. Chloe raised an eyebrow skeptically before nodding again.

"Totes."

* * *

 **Just a quick chapter. The next chapter is a little crazy as some important characters finally merge together in a very eventful way (: Let me know what you think!**


	7. She's an Idol Worth Idolizing

**A/N Okay just a heads up there's only Chloe's perspective in this chapter. So much goes down, you learn some back story. Next chapter I'll make up for it by making it only Beca's perspective which I think will work because Beca's about to have some sort of curve ball thrown at her. Chloe meets a very important person. Bechloe makes an appearance. This one is full of twists and turns. So just read on fellow nerds. Feedback is appreciated. I've been so excited to post this chapter! ***Trigger Warning*** Self harm, reference to drugs and sexual abuse.**

* * *

It was the night of the concert and Chloe was pacing her apartment. She had bailed on Tom and the thought of how upset he was going to be when she saw him next had her one edge. She had only seen Beca once between classes since coffee but had received a few texts throughout the week. She was supposed to meet Beca by the coffee shack in ten minutes. **_Chloe._** Chloe stiffened and inhaled sharply. _Please not tonight._ Chloe rushed into the bathroom, staring at the clearness of her eyes. She had been cutting back on the drugs due to the fact that the voices hadn't bothered her much since her self harm incident in the bathroom. She wanted to be clear minded tonight, for the concert, herself and mostly Beca. **_Why are you even trying? She's just going to leave as soon as she finds out. She might even tell everyone your secrets Chloe._** Chloe was gripping the sink silently hoping they'd just go away. **_Chloe._** The voices seemed to be whispering in turns from all corners of Chloe's hearing. Chloe's phone buzzed in her pocket, she dropped her eyes down to the device when she removed it from her pocket. It was Beca. She looked back to her reflection. "I'm not doing this tonight." She stated firmly, believing her own words for once. **_Have fun then._** The devious voice echoed her Chloe's thoughts as she walked to where she was supposed to meet Beca. Calmly sliding into the passenger seat.

"You look stunning." Beca said as she took in the rock girl version of Chloe Beale. Beca turned to check and see if she could pull into the road. "She's gonna love you." Beca whispered barley loud enough Chloe could hear. Although Chloe was sure she wasn't meant to hear it and didn't even comment. The drove chatting and comparing music and arguing over who was and wasn't a true rock legend. Both strongly agreeing that Taylor Momsen was on her way no doubt to being one.

"You going to tell me how you got these tickets?" Chloe asked still wondering how she pulled off such a magic trick.

"I've got my ways." Beca replied slyly. "You'll see soon enough." She added only confusing Chloe even more. Beca parked the car in an alley way a few blocks up the road. Sending a quick text before climbing out and opening Chloe's door.

"Such a gentleman." Chloe teased before resting her hand on Beca's cheek. Beca seemed to blush in the darkness, Chloe couldn't really tell though. Chloe looked around before laughing. "Are you going to kill me and dump my body in a dumpster?" Chloe looked to Beca for a response only half kidding in her question. All of a sudden the realization that Chloe knew nothing really about this mystery girl hit her. She wasn't uneasy about it, just made her more curious.

"No, it's just easier to go this way then to wrestle through the line out front." Beca pulled back a banner on the fence to reveal a whole large enough to duck through. Chloe eyed her skeptically but went through anyways. She found herself questioning a lot of decisions around the tiny woman. A large man stood to his feet quickly as they emerged from the shadows but when Beca's face came into light he smiled and waved in a friendly manner. Chloe looked down when Beca's fingers interlaced with her own. Smiling slightly to herself. "Bruce." Beca nodded as we walked up the stairs towards the door he was guarding.

"Turn right, third door on the left. Trust me you can't miss it." Bruce spoke in a booming voice and Beca patted his shoulder when she walked by.

"Of course not, you never can." She retorted, receiving a hearty chuckle from the giant man. We followed his directions and stopped shy of the door to see a combat boot smash into the door directly across the hall. "Ready?" Chloe felt Beca sigh before squeezing her hand reassuringly. She yanked Chloe into the bright room. A sting of profanity coming from one of the rooms occupants. "Whoa, what did I miss?" Beca asked shooting glances around. Chloe a moment before she realized who was in front of them. Beca looked over after everyone settled down to see a bright eyed Chloe Beale staring in awe. She laughed a little too hard.

"Beca, dude give me your boots!" The blonde shouted after a moment, Chloe furrowing her brow in confusion.

"Dude no! I'll never get them back!" Beca whined as the blonde bent down to take them right off of Beca's being. "Stop it you asshole!" Beca slapped the woman's back. The blonde stood up and glared at her before grinning.

"I'll give you these!" She said while rummaging through a box of looked like different combat boots. She held up a pair of black ones with a light gray lining. Chloe looked at Beca to gauge her response even though the red head was more confused now than ever. "Come on, you tried to steal them from me last time I saw you! I had to practically brawl with you to get them back."

"Fine." Beca dropped Chloe's hand and quickly untied her boots, tossing them at the singer before sliding the new boots in place. She noticed Chloe hadn't said a word and shot her an apologetic look. "Chloe this is Taylor. Taylor this is Chloe." Beca gestured between the two women and Taylor walked over and hugged a stunned Chloe.

"Hun, I'm a human being just like you." She whispered for only Chloe to hear, the red head's arms tightened around the small singer as the words settled in her ears. Taylor pulled back and smiled slyly. "So we go on soon. You guys have stage seats. Or you can chill out back here. There's food, alcohol or whatever you need. Are you going to stick around and chill out after the show?" Taylor looked back and forth between the pair expectantly.

"If that's what Chloe wants to do." Beca offered, Chloe nodding excitedly.

"That'd be totes awesome." Her voice full of cheer. Taylor jerked a thumb towards her before stage whispering.

"I like her." Winking at Beca and hugging Chloe again. "See you guys soon." Taylor nodded, glancing at the both one more time before sulking off for their performance. Beca turned to a stunned Chloe slowly.

"You good? What do you think?" Beca asked watching Chloe's demeanor intently trying to gauge her reactions. She noticed that Chloe's eyes were clear and she smiled to herself happy that she wasn't high. Chloe shifted and opened her mouth before closing it, her thoughts racing a million miles an hour.

"She's so… NICE." Chloe finally blurted out before blinking at her own words. "She looks so intense and scary but wow." Beca couldn't help but laugh.

"She is scary. Trust me. Just wait until you get to know her you'll see what I'm talking about." Beca silently promised, not thinking much about the fact that she wanted Taylor to have a chance to get to know the girl in front of her. "Let's get out there. Being on stage is so much better than the pit." Beca stated while tugging Chloe close behind her. Being escorted to their place on stage. Taylor spoke a short speech about how she hates society and how fucked up it is. She launched into a few songs and then stopped to speak again.

"So Atlanta, it's not very often that I get to see people that are dear to me. Not that I really have all that many anyways." Taylor laughs and the crowd grows deadly silent waiting for her to continue. "Tonight is an exception. I'd like you to give a huge and brutal welcome to my baby sister Beca Mitchell. She drove out from college with her hopefully soon to be girlfriend to see me play." Taylor looked back at the pair and waved them on. Beca shook her head as if signaling no, when Taylor's eyes locked on Chloe's and her grin mirrored the red head's Chloe couldn't help but twist her hand into Beca's and pull her forward. The crowd exploded as the two took center stage with Taylor. "Look at that Becs, Red has more balls than you." Taylor beamed at Chloe who smiled in return. Chloe's heart sank when the same grin Taylor had just given her was now directed at Beca. Who in turn turned to Chloe with a knowing smirk. Taylor walked off and returned holding a gorgeous acoustic, thrusting it towards Chloe who stared in complete confusion. Watching as Taylor walked to the edge of the stage. "This cute little red head has the voice of a fucking goddess. I stopped by to see little Becs a couple months back and this girl and her cover band were singing in a local bar. When she started singing I was completely floored. Like ass glued to the fucking seat." The cheers erupted again. "She performed one of my songs in dedication to my sister in some fate will have it twisted situation. Here she was singing a song for a woman that had swept her off her feet one night. She didn't know her name or anything about her. And as if fate wasn't fucking twisted enough. She sang a song written by said woman's older sister." Taylor beamed at the crowd as the went absolutely off the walls. "How about it Red, care to humor us?" Taylor finally asked. Chloe stood wide eyed in front of the enormous crowed, on stage with her idol who actually happened to be her crush's older sister. _This has got to be some big crazy, sexy ending fantasy dream. It'll end with Beca, Taylor and I having a steamy threesome._ Chloe thought before she furrowed her brows. _But if it's just a dream why not sing?_ Chloe stepped forward taking the guitar in her hands, Taylor replaced the microphone on the stand before stepping up behind Chloe.

"The first time I meet Beca's family and you guys throw me to the wolves." Chloe whispered loud enough for Taylor to hear. She reached out and adjusted the microphone. "Okay, I'm obviously no Taylor Momsen, rock goddess. But this song has become a recent favorite. I learned how to play it before I even knew who Beca was. She saved me. In a literal way on two occasions before I even knew her name. I didn't actually meet her until she randomly showed up on my campus at the end of summer. Shocking the hell out of both of us. I had no idea she or Taylor saw me preform this song at the bar. So just, take it easy on me." Chloe flashed her signature smile before stumming the guitar perfectly.

 **"** **You don't want me no; you don't need me. Like I want you oh, like I need you. And I want you in my life. And I need you in my life. You can't see me no, like I see you. I can't have you no; like you have me. And I want you in my life and I need you in my life."**

Chloe drifted into the melody as she perfectly executed the song. She said with her eyes closed for a moment, the entire venue silent before everyone started screaming and clapping. Taylor quickly taking up the microphone again.

"Did I not fucking tell you? Voice of an angel." Her eyes looked wet like she had just been crying and Chloe looked back at Beca who was standing all wide eyed, giant grin waiting for her. She slipped her arm around Beca's waist and leaned into her for support.

"Chloe Beale, you are incredible." Beca spoke directly into her ear as Taylor went into the final song of the seat. Chloe was all smiles as the all trotted off the stage and began to file out to Beca's car. Taylor making the same comment Chloe had, about being murdered. "What do you want to do Taylor?" Taylor thought for a second.

"I need to change and then maybe hit a bar or something. Denny's kind of sounds good to be honest." Chloe couldn't help but laugh at how normal that sounded. She caught Taylor questioning her in the mirror. Chloe turned in her seat to explain.

"I was just standing on stage with you. You have this aura and you just kill it out there. You're a rock goddess whether you want to agree or not. Then you step out of the area and you're just… A normal college age human being. You want beer and nasty cheap, twenty-four-hour diner food." Taylor shrugged in agreement and busted up laughing also.

"I'm just as normal as you and Becs. We're all a lot alike though. Our passion for music driving us to be alive every day. If it wasn't for music, I'd be dead." A serious tone washed into the blonde's voice, Chloe catching it along with the serious expression on Beca's face. "Well that and Beca. But that girl right there has some mad beats. Music has brought her a long way as an individual. Just by hearing you sing I'm sure it's done just as much for you." Chloe nods at the woman's wise words. Knowing fully in her heart that she couldn't have said it any better herself. She sat in silence listening to the other two bicker playfully as they made their way to the Denny's just up the block from the hotel. Taylor was instantly recognized by the waitress and asked if we could be seated in the corner. The waitress who was star struck didn't even ask Beca for her ID when she ordered a beer. I pinched the bridge of my nose fighting off the irritating headache I felt coming on.

"Sorry if post show isn't as exciting as you thought it would be." Beca frowned at Chloe who was now deeply trying to will away the nagging feeling that was building, Chloe forced a small smile on her face as looked up.

"This is better than having a crazy wild party. I'm really enjoying my night. Thank you. Seriously, both of you for everything tonight." Chloe's eyes weren't sparkling like normal but her smile was just as huge. "Uhh, can I get by you. I just need to use the restroom?" Chloe asked trying not to wince as her headache grew more persistant. Chloe slid out and muttered something about being right back before rushing towards the bathroom. Not even making it to a stall when she collapsed to her knees as the voices bombarded her head in a roar as loud as the crowed from the concert had bed. Tears escaped Chloe's eyes immediately as she rocked her body back and forth absently. Just trying to survive the static roar of violent screaming insults and profanities. She did hear the door open or close.

"Chloe?"

"GET THE FUCK OUT OF MY HEAD!" Chloe cried out pathetically at the sound of her name. The blonde woman dropping to her knees, Chloe still completely unaware of her presence. Chloe was now catatonic, hyperventilating between body shaking sobs. Rocking back and forth harder than she ever had before with her hands clamped tightly over her ears.

"Chloe, it's okay honey. Honey look at me." Chloe's eyes snapped open as someone grabbed her face. Still unable to focus on anything but the insistent mind shattering screaming. She couldn't focus her eyes but she saw the woman's lips moving. The woman spoke her name over and over again, trying to gently tug Chloe's hands from her ears. _"_ _Tell me now can you feel it? I've been keeping company with a ghost. She comes to me like a piece of summer. She comes to me on the days when I need it most. Summer dies and nothing lasts forever. You were so fine. The way you stand up to your fears"_ Taylor's voice echoes softly as she sings to Chloe. Chloe's eyes finally clearing from the agonized fog as they come to focus on Taylor. Horror strikes Chloe in the chest and she scrambles backwards, trying to pull her hands from Taylor's death grip. "Chloe! Chloe, wait wait. Don't run. Just listen okay. You're going to be surprised by what I have to say." Taylor's demeanor falls slightly and this alone makes Chloe stay. The goddess of rock, her idol, the same woman whose voice has gotten her through endless nights of screaming and praying for death was sitting in front of her completely vulnerable. "If I tell you a secret it has to stay between us, you can't say anything to Beca." Chloe laughs the thought of her keeping Beca around after Taylor finding her like this was just absurd. Taylor's eyes are filled with pain and sympathy and Chloe can't help but listen.

"I won't tell anyone, especially not Beca." Chloe's voice is raspy from the sobbing and Taylor gives her a small yet reassuring smile before taking Chloe's hand in her own hands. Chloe blinks and thinks to herself that this has to be one super twisted dream.

"Before I start I want you to know that I understand the exact situation you just experiences Chloe." Chloe searched the eyes staring back at her but found nothing but honesty. "That's how I knew to sing to you." She added more confidence in her voice. "I'm schizophrenic." The words come out rushed and Chloe's jaw drops.

"No way! How is that… No you're a rockstar!" Chloe was angry that someone would use her vulnerability against her in such a cruel way. Taylor squeezed her hand in an attempt to regain her attention.

"Yes, I am. But I didn't used to be. I was a depressed, sick and suicidal teenager at one point." She sighed as her eyes seemed to glaze over. She shook her head. "Beca is the only reason I'm alive. I can't even explain what that girl has done for me. She's just always been my saving grace. After our mother killed herself." Taylor stopped to even her breathing. Chloe gasped thinking back to Beca's expression when Chloe asked about her family and she told her she had passed away. She mentally slapped herself for being so insensitive, not that she had meant to be. Taylor spoke again, softer this time. "She was sick also. Our dad, well Beca's father. He adopted me when our mom married him when we were younger. But he was embarrassed by her diagnosis. He thought if we ignored it that it would go away. It only got worse and one day when Beca and I came home from work when I was fifteen and Beca was thirteen I found our mom dead in the bath tub. She had overdosed and bled out in the water." Taylor's eyes grew even darker right in front of Chloe and Chloe panicked not knowing what to say so she settled on squeezing Taylor's had. Taylor smiled softly at her.

"What does this have to do with…" Chloe didn't even know what she wanted to ask she just didn't want to talk about Beca's mom anymore.

"I know you do a lot of drugs." Taylor stated.

"How?" Chloe's eyes narrowed.

"You're constantly touching your purse. There's drugs in there. You also have little habits like scanning the room and forcing a smile all the damn time even when it doesn't reach your eyes." Chloe stared in the other woman's dull eyes and sighed. "You're sober now though and that's why the voices were so powerful huh?" Chloe blinked in shock, it was like the woman knew her deepest secrets. Before Chloe could answer Taylor twisted her arm and shoved her sleeve up in one swift motion not giving any reaction to the red head who now felt naked in front of the singer. "I thought so." She pulled her own sleeve up, revealing a serious of deep but old scars running in every direction across her own forearm. Chloe gasped, covering her mouth at the saddening sight. "This is the most person question I'm going to ask but have you been… taken advantage of?" Chloe searched Taylor's eyes for something but wasn't sure what. Nodding very slightly before breaking eye contact. "Do me a favor, take my phone number. Don't tell Beca about me telling you this. I feel like she needs to tell you this on her own. She may not be sick but she's got her own problems. She had to take care of me and had no healthy role model to be there for her. She's independent and stubborn but no one loves as deeply as she does once she decides to care." Chloe sat wondering why Taylor was telling her all of this. "I'm going to go out there, tell Beca you aren't feeling well. Skipping this conversation. Explain to her that you need to go home and rest and we'll take you home."

"Are you going to tell her?" Chloe's voice cracked as she stared at the one person she never thought she'd meet. Her mind racing over the night's events.

"I think you should be the one to tell her. But if you don't want to I understand. You need to tell someone though, so you have someone to help just in case this happens. Until then though. You've got my phone number. I'm always a call or text away. Even if I'm far away okay? If I've come this far. You can fight this bullshit also." Taylor pulls Chloe to her feet and hugs her. Leaving the usually well put together Chloe Beale grasping desperately for a sense of reality.

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 **Song in this chapter is You by The Pretty Reckless**


	8. You're Not The Only One

**A/N Okay I'm finally starting to get somewhere. Rewrote this a few times because I couldn't get it right and still know where to take the story afterwards but I think this works pretty well. Let me know your thoughts. Enjoy!**

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Beca frowned at her sister as they sat in the parking lot of Chloe's apartment. "It's not my place to tell you Beca, I love you. You're concerned but that's who you are. That's how you function and taking someone's right to privacy away isn't fair. You of all people should respect that." Taylor's words were low and serious; she spoke in a tone that Beca hadn't seen since the day she moved out of her father's house to pursue her musical dreams. Leaving Beca behind to fend for herself. The familiar feeling of disappointment and abandonment flooded Beca at the memory. She knew that even though she spent all of her time worrying about Taylor and taking care of the older woman and that she would have a weight lifted off her shoulders. She was also extremely bitter because after all this time, she just wanted someone to look out for her. Taylor was her older sister and Beca was the one who always took care of them. Why didn't anyone care enough to take care of Beca?

"Okay, I'll let her tell me when she's ready. I'm not stupid. She was fine when she went into that bathroom, she didn't look ill just terrified. I've seen that look before." Beca's eyes drifted to her sister who was staring up at the apartment complex lost in thought. Something seriously tugging at her mind, Beca had noticed but didn't say anything. The blonde never broke her gaze but spoke anyways.

"You plan on sticking around?" Beca didn't reply, she didn't need to. Taylor hadn't needed to turn around because she knew what Beca would say. Beca knew that Taylor knew. "If you are going to. Then you better stick around for everything. Chloe deserves that at the very least." Beca's stomach knotted as a feeling of serious desperation settled over her being. "Anyways, I should probably get back." Taylor reached over a squeezed her hand, trying to reassure Beca with a timid smile. Beca threw the car into reverse and drove back to the city where her sister's hotel was, after saying her goodbyes to her sibling and the rest of the band she began driving aimlessly. Before she knew it, it was hours from when she had left Chloe in the apartment but she had somehow found herself back at Barden. The brunette leaned against the window sighing with content at the way her cheek pressed against the cold glass. She let her eyes flutter shut but nearly jumped out of her own skin when her phone started to ring, she didn't screen the call before answering.

"Hello?" Her voice was filled with the tease of sleep.

 _"_ _Shit, I'm sorry if I woke you up."_ The sound of tears thick in the woman's voice jolted Beca wide awake.

"Hey Chloe, no I'm awake. Just lost in thought I guess." Beca cringed at her wording but waited patiently as Chloe breathed heavily on the other end of the line.

 _"_ _I hate to ask this. But Aubrey is visiting her mom this weekend and I'm home alone. Could you like just come sit with me while I try to sleep. I mean I know it's weird because we just went on our first date which I fully am aware that I ruined."_ Chloe stopped her ramble with a sigh. _"_ _I just am tired. And this apartment is creepy at night when you're alone."_ Her soft laugh at the end was welcomed as Beca thought to herself. Her sister was right, all or nothing right?

"Yeah give me like ten minutes and I'll be there. Do you umm… need anything?" Beca asked not really sure what Chloe used as comfort. It was like she had to learn about someone from the beginning and that made her a little awkward to say the least. Chloe giggled and asked if she could get her some soup. "Yeah, chicken noodle or what?"

 _"_ _Mmmm yes please."_ Chloe hummed happily before Beca agreed and ended the call. It didn't take long to stop and grab soup. She got four or five cans, ginger ale and some pizza pockets for herself. She cautiously knocked on Chloe's door and was greeted by a disheveled redhead. Her eyes were puffy and her hair was askew, she looked like she hadn't stopped crying for hours and the sight made Beca's little stone heart crack.

"Hi." Chloe whispered, her too bright eyes locking onto Beca's own stormy blues.

"Hey. I brought comfort things." Beca awkwardly lifted the blanket she had pulled from her trunk and the plastic back from the store. "Soup. A variety of different chicken noodle based soups. Ginger ale." She grinned as Chloe shook the box of pizza pockets and the container of coffee. "Those are mine, you greedy little woman. I didn't know how long you'd need me to stay awake for so I came prepared." She dropped a bag off her shoulder and dug around in it for a moment before removing a laptop and some movie cases. "I hate movies." She frowned at the stack. "I just know that these always made Taylor feel better and since I'm probably the most oblivious human to ever live when it comes to social ques. That's about all I've got to go off of right now." Beca frowned again when Chloe looked like she was going to panic. "I'm hoping all you've got is the twenty-four-hour flu or something. I'll hold your hair if you need me to or just lay with you until you want me to leave. Just say the word." Chloe seemed to smile at the hopeful tone of Beca's voice.

"Thank you, I really appreciate this. I can't even begin to explain what this means to me. Here I'll make you some coffee." Chloe shuffled passed the brunette and then turned around after the pot started doing its thing. "Did you bring something more comfortable than that?" Chloe motioned to Beca's general appearance. Beca's frown deepened when she realized that she hadn't. "It's okay, I have some sweats you can borrow." Chloe reached down snagging the blanket with a grin and grabbed the smaller woman's write before pulling her towards the living room. Beca blinked a little rapidly.

"Chlo?" The red head spun around at the sound of her name. Humming softly in lieu of a real response. "I'm okay with laying with you in bed if you don't feel good. I'm sure you'd be more comfortable." Beca tried to keep her tone even and soft in hopes that being in the safety of her own bed Chloe would sleep better. Chloe nodded hesitantly but shuffled off towards her room. Beca watched carefully as the older woman climbed up on the bed, pulling the blanket down on the other side and looked expectantly at Beca. Who took her time making her way across the room, wiggling into her spot before propping the pillows up behind her. She popped a movie into the disk slot, readying the movie for her and Chloe.

"What are we watching?" Chloe asked with emotions riddling her voice.

"Call me crazy. It's pretty good which is saying a lot since I hate movies. It… As far as I know is Taylor's favorite movie unless it's changed since then." Chloe nodded before scooting a little closer to Beca. Which made Beca hold her breathe for a moment too long.

"What's it about?" Chloe said between the groan from her stretch.

"Ummm, it's kind of weird to explain but there's five different story lines. Some connected and others not. The first one is about a girl with schizophrenia and she's a law student. That's why Taylor likes it so much." Beca sighed as she got comfortable, she didn't notice Chloe stiffen as she spoke. She hit play before glancing at Chloe who didn't look very comfortable in the position she was laying. "Come here." Beca motioned with her arm for Chloe to lay on her chest. Chloe hesitated for a moment before laying down and wrapping an arm around Beca's waist. Resting her hand open palmed on her ribs.

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Chloe watched the movie wide eyed as Beca seemed to relax underneath her weight. She didn't say a word and didn't dare move in fear that even her movements would give her away. After the movie ended Chloe reached up to wipe the tears out her eyes sniffing softly at the ending of the movie. Glancing up at the stack of movies she noticed a title that she had heard of before but had yet to get around to watch.

"Are you okay?" Beca mumbled into Chloe's red mane. Chloe nodded slowly. "Want to watch another? We can try and sleep if you don't want to." Chloe reached out and grabbed the DVD that caught her attention moments before.

"Can we watch this one?" Her voice cracked and she cringed a little at the sound.

"Yeah totally." Chloe tried to sit up but Beca pulled her back down, fumbling around her to set the next movie up. "If I tell you a secret you promise not to tell anymore?" A laugh played at the edges of Chloe's voice as she registered the fact she liked the way that sounded. Beca waited in silence a moment before continuing. "If anyone found this out I'd lose all my street cred but I cried my eyes out the first time I saw this movie. It's my favorite." The last part came out a whisper and Chloe thought about what else Beca enjoyed. The opening scene started as a crying woman started to sing a sad song about a man named Jamie. Chloe closed her eyes and just listened for a moment.

 **Jamie arrived at the end of the line. Jamie is convinced that the problems are mine. Jamie is probably feeling just fine. And I'm still hurting. What about lies Jamie, what about things that you swore to be true? What about you Jamie? What about you? Jamie is sure that something wonderful died. Jamie decides it's his right to decide. And I'm still hurting.**

Beca's small arms flexed around Chloe as she sighed, humming softly to the song that was playing when Chloe's eyes fell back upon the beautifully broken woman on the screen.

 **Maybe I'd see how you could be so certain that we had no chance at all. Jamie is over and where can I turn? Covered with scars I did nothing to earn. Maybe there's somewhere a lesson to learn. But that wouldn't change the fact. That wouldn't speed the time. Once the foundations cracked… And I'm still hurting.**

A thought popped into Chloe's head and before she could shove it down she heard her voice speak. "Have you ever felt like that?" Chloe stiffened as she counted the seconds in her head before Beca responded. Seventeen before Beca shifted a little.

"Once." The honesty in her voice was heart breaking but Chloe didn't feel right questioning her. "I was dating someone my junior year. Back then there was a lot going on at home. My family was struggling with a lot of personal things at the time. When I finally opened up to them about it… Well they left. Just walked out the door. Didn't give an explanation other than that they couldn't deal with that kind of pressure. So I haven't really dated since then. Haven't really met anyone worth taking the chance to get burned like that again I guess." Chloe smiled in surprise at Beca explained to her. Chloe just silently laid there wishing that she had met Beca in a different lifetime where she wasn't a mess of voices and drugs. "I saw that you guys have a piano. Do you play?" Beca's question tore Chloe from her thoughts.

"Yeah both Bree and I do." Chloe admitted sheepishly.

"Will you play for me sometime?" Chloe's heart sank at the innocent question because the thought of Beca thinking about being around again after tonight made a new sense of panic rise. Even though Chloe hadn't felt this safe in years, she didn't consider seeing Beca again after tonight. Chloe just hummed softly before she closed her eyes to drift off to sleep.

The sun woke Chloe. Or it could have been the bang that came from outside the apartment in the corridor. She used her forearm to lift her body off of Beca who had somehow twisted a leg around Chloe's and her arm rested heavily on Chloe's shoulders. She stared down at the brunette who looked peaceful. She slipped out of bed and into the bathroom without waking Beca. The insistent buzzing in the back of her head a warning to the oncoming voices. **Chloe.** She shook her head at the voice that sounded as if it were standing just inches behind her. _Please, just not now. Wait until she's gone please._ Chloe leaned over the sink and turned it on trying to get a grip on her heart rate. **Chloe, we can just end it. Sleep forever. The pills Chloe. Take them all. You'll feel better. She hates you. She hates you. She just wants you dead Chloe. She deserves to get what you want. You're wasting her time.** One voice after another growing louder and louder as Chloe bit down on her lip hard enough to draw blood. Dropping to her knees. **The pills Chloe. Take them all. You'll feel better. She hates you. She hates you. She just wants you dead Chloe. She deserves to get what you want. You're wasting her time.** The voices repeated over and over until Chloe was loudly sobbing in a heap on the floor. "STOP PLEASE!" Chloe shouted. She laid there listening to each individual voice tell her she was worthless and to kill herself. In that moment Chloe really considered it. She WANTED to but she couldn't move, she was paralyzed in the worst kind of way.

"Chloe?" Chloe couldn't tell if the voice she had heard in was in her head or if she had actually heard someone say her name, causing her to sob all that much harder. She heard the bathroom door creak open but couldn't move her hands from her ears or let alone at all. "Shit. Chloe are you okay?" Suddenly she felt arms around her body and she cried harder. "Hey, hey look at me." Beca's stormy eyes now directly in Chloe's line of sight. "Chloe what's wrong?" Chloe couldn't move or think or speak she just cried there. Warm hands twisting her face towards the brunette's as a haze took over the navy blue eyes. Something in her face twisted in front of Chloe's face and right then Chloe knew that Beca already figured it out. Taylor's story in the back of her head as the voices continued to scream. "Shit, okay. Okay don't move." Chloe's horror rose as the small woman disappeared from sight. Beca ran back as fast as she could and covered Chloe with the blanket she had brought up last night. "Come here." Chloe crawled up against Beca's chest. Listening as she started to hum quietly. Right away she knew the song.

 **I know it's chemicals that make me cling to you. I need a miracle to get away from you. I know its chemicals I need a miracle. And I'm not spiritual but please stay. Because I think you're a saint. I think you're an angel. I said you give me something to talk about. You give me something to think about that's not the shit in my head. You're a miracle.**

As soon as Beca began to sing the voices subsided, a dull throbbing replacing them. Chloe didn't move though because she didn't understand what was going on. She didn't understand how it went away so quickly and she couldn't believe how perfect Beca's voice sounded bouncing off the bathroom walls. Beca clung to Chloe like her life depended on it.

 **I said you give me something to talk about. You give me something to think about that's not the shit in my head. I need a miracle to bring me back to you. I know you're gone now but I still wait for you. Wait for you. I said you give me something to talk about. I said you give me something to think about that's not the shit in my head. Yeah you're a miracle.**

Beca was singing with her heart and Chloe was clinging onto every word as she listened. Only pulling away when Beca finished the song. Beca had concern written in the way her forehead creased. "Chloe it's okay. You don't have to hide from me." Beca caught Chloe's chin with her hand before she could turn away completely. Chloe blinked as something filled her chest, fear and something she couldn't name in that moment. She blinked a few more times to try and focus her eyes on Beca suddenly feeling a little dizzy at the closeness of their faces. She leaned up slowly not thinking just holding her breath as their lips almost touched. Stopping to give Beca time to pull away if she wanted to. Instead she felt lips press against hers. Warm and soft. Gentle and compassionate. Not hungry or demanding, just there in a way that Chloe had never experienced before. Chloe pushed herself further into the kiss, now throwing a leg over Beca's lap so she was sitting on her thighs. Beca's hands cupping her cheeks softly as Chloe deepened the kiss. Chloe was listening to the whooshing of her heart in her ears. Her hands flew out and took the material of Beca's shirt by the fist full, desperate to get closer. Desperate to feel anything but the heartbroken feeling she knew would follow when they stopped. Beca slid her legs out from under Chloe, slowly standing but never breaking away from the way their mouths were moving harshly together now. Chloe pushed her stomach flush against the front of the brunette as she struggled to breath. Beca pushed the redhead backwards, still attached at the mouth. Chloe's tongue asked for entrance to Beca's and there was no fight and no hesitation as the mouth attached to her accepted her tongue, they didn't fit for dominance. Beca stumbled forward, reaching out with one arm to catch them. The other pulling Chloe impossibly closer as they fell backwards. Chloe gasped as her back crashed heavily into the wall. Her hands twisting into locks of brown hair, nails scraping the scalp. Beca's hand gripped Chloe's hip roughly as she shoved her body hard against the red head. Chloe couldn't breathe but she wasn't about to pull away. Then Beca did wide eyed panic clawing at her expression.

"Chloe. Shit I'm so sorry." Her words were fumbled as she stepped back a couple feet. Chloe shrank at the realization that maybe Beca wasn't into her like that, maybe she just carried away and Chloe had just messed up. Tears pooled in her eyes as Beca ran a hand through her dark hair. "No! Please don't cry!" She looked afraid now. Afraid of Chloe. "I'm sorry! I just don't want you think I was taking advantage of you. I just didn't want you to think I would ever do that. No just Chloe listen." And Chloe broke into sobs at the sound of the hurt in Beca's voice, falling towards her knees Beca caught her before she hit the ground and pulled her into a hug.

"I'm crazy Beca." Is all Chloe could manage to croak out in sobs.

"Stop it." Beca hissed, anger rolling into her embrace as she stiffed against Chloe's body. Chloe pulled back in shock. "Stop, let's get you some water and… and… I want to tell you something." Chloe tried to wipe the tears from her eyes. "Hang on. Follow me." Beca pulled her hard towards the living room, stopping to scoop up the blanket. She sat Chloe down on the couch, putting the blanket around her shoulders and walking at a brisk pace to the kitchen to retrieve water. Chloe tightened her grip on the blanket as shock over took her thoughts. _I just fucked this all up. Now she knows. Now she knows everything and I didn't want her to see this side of me._ Chloe's own voice screamed in her head. "Here, take this." Beca offered Chloe a glass of water and a small white pill. Chloe looked up with confusion. "It'll make sense in a minute. It'll just calm you down. I'm not drugging you I promise." Chloe hesitated before popping the pill in her mouth and taking a big drink of water. Beca rubbed her shoulders before awkwardly looking around and deciding to sit on the edge of the coffee table.

"Okay." Chloe sighed heavily.

"Just I need you not to interrupt because this is a hard story to tell." Beca waited for Chloe to nod before continuing with stress written in the lines on her forehead. "My mom died. When I was thirteen. She killed herself because she couldn't deal with voices. My dad thought that sweeping under the rug would keep our family image intact. He blamed my mom every day like she chose to be ill. When she died, not long after actually Taylor kind of lost her mind. Wow okay… Not the right wording. Sorry I suck at this talking thing." Beca smiled a shaky smile. "Okay, what I meant was Taylor went on this drug binge. She literally fried her brain from doing too much LSD and meth. That and the heavy weight of our mother's death and being the one to find her caused her to snap. At least that's what the doctor said before dad made her quit going to therapy. I spent the next three years taking care of her. Bandaging her arms. Making sure she ate. She would lay in bed for days. Sometimes weeks and not move like at all. Sometimes I would check to see if she was breathing. On her good days, she was the brightest star in the room. On her bad days… Well lets just say things got bad sometimes. One time I was trying to get a knife from her hand and she cut me across my thigh." Chloe's eyes grew wide. "It was hard because I shoved every emotion I had down. I turned into the rock. My dad quit even looking at either of us after our mom. He even blamed Taylor sometimes. Taylor would scream and cry and break down because she'd hear these voices and couldn't make them stop. Eventually we got a system down and although sometimes it felt like it took forever. I always calmed her down. When she was eighteen she started going to therapy and group. We found the right combination of medications. She got better. It doesn't mean she doesn't sometimes have an episode but according to her it's only happened like once or twice in the last year. Recovery is a long road but she managed and look at her now." Beca smiled proudly at the thought of her sister's success. Her eyes darkened when she looked back at Chloe. Chloe was listening to every word, gauging Beca's body language as she spoke.

"Do you ever get mad that you had to take care of her?" Chloe spoke suddenly. Beca shrugged slowly.

"I used to get upset because all I wanted was someone to care about me and how I was feeling. I felt like my mom abandoned us. Then my dad just checked out. In a way I felt like I even lost Taylor. But on her good days, that's what reminded me that I was supposed to be strong because Taylor was in there. I had to remember to separate the healthy parts of her mind from the broken parts. I wouldn't change it, I wouldn't go back and do anything differently if that's what you meant?" Chloe sat in broken silence as she took in what Beca was trying to say. "Chloe, what are you thinking about?"

"I'm scared. You know… too much. The drugs. Tom. And now… this." Chloe began to shake as tears assaulted her eyes. "I didn't want you to find out about this. Now you're going to leave." Chloe's eyes darted away from Beca. But the hand on her chin pulled them back before lips pressed softly into hers. Just once. But they were there. When the brunette pulled back she shook her head.

"No. I'm not going anywhere."

"I don't want you to stay just because you feel obligated." Chloe snapped, her words much sharper than she meant for them to be. Beca's laugh filled the quiet apartment.

"One thing you should know about me. I don't do anything I don't WANT to do. Chloe I really don't know you. Like at all. But I would like to. I want to stay and find out everything there is to know about Chloe Beale. Beyond your illness, the drugs and everything bad that's happened in your life. I want to know about your family, your friends, your dreams, your desires and everything in between. I want to know YOU." Beca spoke quickly and Chloe's confusion made it hard to keep up but she sat silently wrapped in the brunette's blanket before she spoke.

"You don't have to." It came out a whisper that Chloe could barely hear, she wasn't even sure Beca heard.

"I want to." Beca's voice full of reassurance. "I'd also like to get to know you the right way. I don't want to jump into anything. As much as that kiss before took my breath away. It wasn't right of me to get so carried away. Especially with what happened to you this summer." Her eyes were full of compassion as she gazed into Chloe's soul.

"That wasn't the only time it's happened." Chloe admitted a little ashamed. Her eyes snapped open when she remembered she still hadn't ended things with Tom.

"What is it Chloe?" Beca took her hand, Chloe just looked down feeling the pill finally lap at her nerves. She calmed in a way before speaking.

"I need to break up with Tom today." Beca's grip tightened momentarily before she began absently drawing circles on the skin around the red heads palm.

"I'll come with you." Beca offered to Chloe's surprise.

"No." She almost shouted at the younger woman, Beca's eyes closed for a moment before they opened again.

"Let's take a nap and then we can talk about it. That pill I gave you is for anxiety. It might make you a little drowsy. A little sleep and then some coffee and you'll be good as new. Come on." Chloe lifted to her feet as stood, following hot on her heels. They climbed into bed and Beca's eyes fell into a comfortable lock with Chloe's. Chloe sighed before moving to tuck her head under the brunette's chin. She absently twisted her fingers into Beca's. _I just want to lay here forever. I don't want to see Tom. Or go to school. I don't want to remember that Beca knows._ Were the last fleeting thoughts before Chloe drifted to sleep.

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 **Songs I used in this chapter are I'm Still Hurting by Anna Kendrick and St. Patrick by PVRIS**


	9. The Conversation

**Sorry about how short it is. Transition chapter and the move is slowing down my writing. Plus I've kind of been distracted with family issues and a new person in my life. Anyways I promise there's more to come soon.**

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Beca blinked her eyes awake in the soft afternoon light, it took her a moment to realize where she was and an even longer moment to realize Chloe wasn't in the bed next to her. She slid off her side and shuffled sleepily to the kitchen where she saw Chloe sitting with her face in her hands. The brunette stopped to observe the moment while trying to figure out an approach that hopefully wouldn't startle the red head to death. Chloe's deep sigh set a fresh wave of worry over Beca.

"Dammit." The older woman mumbled and Beca took this as her que to step in.

"Chlo?" Beca's voice was soft and the red head seemed to stiffen at the sound before relaxing again. Beca slipped onto the stool next to Chloe before gently placing her hand on the other woman's forearm. "Are you okay?" Chloe began sobbing at the concerned question.

"I just didn't want you to know I was crazy." Beca shook her head almost taking offence to the sentence that just slipped out of Chloe's mouth.

"Chloe it's okay. You're not crazy, we just need to take steps to get you stable and healthy again. Starting with someone who understands from your point of view." Beca pulled out her phone and dialed her sister's number who quickly agreed to be there within a couple hours and said she'd bring Chloe a gift that would hopefully help. In under two hours there was a knock on Chloe's apartment door. Beca stood and opened the door to greet her older sister with hopeful eyes.

"Hey girl, I come baring gifts." Taylor's voice was deep but she sounded genuinely excited. She swung a large amp into the room and set it down before turning around to grab a guitar case. "These are for you Chloe." Taylor's face twisted in a devilish grin when the red head tried to protest. "Don't even argue. Trust me I have so many of these it's ridiculous really." Chloe turned to Beca for help but Beca just nodded confirming her sister's statement. "I figured that you play acoustic and I know these guys in town that play in a cover band, they're looking for a female vocalist and I told them I knew someone. They want you to come out sometime in the next week or so and check them out. No commitment just go out and see what you think. I think it would be good for you to maybe have an outlet for everything. I know it helps me a lot. Singing without competing or making it a job." Chloe seemed to glow at the idea and the girls settled onto the couch as Taylor dug for something in her back pack.

"Thanks for coming out Tay." Beca spoke as she eyed Chloe who seemed nervous. "I know your busy with your tour and everything."

"No worries kid. Anything for you. Besides we have a rest week so I'm just staying with a couple of friends in Atlanta." The blonde turned around holding a notebook in her hand, she flipped through it absently until she found the page she was looking for and pulled a pen out of her back pocket. "Chloe, do you have anything you want to ask? Nothing is too personal and I know this may be uncomfortable. Beca and I both want to help the best we can. Although we can only help as much as you will let us."

"Okay, does it ever get better?" Chloe's voice was small as she spoke. Beca looked to Taylor for an answer and saw a smile twist onto her sister's lips.

"Yes, it really does. It takes time and dedication. But it gets better. You have a support system now and I have a couple of groups I'd like you to try out. Group really helps, even if you don't want to go to individual therapy yet." The blonde sat on the table and scribbled something down.

"I don't even know where to start. I have so many questions." Chloe admitted. Beca's sister nodded knowingly and sat patiently waiting for Chloe to begin. "When it happens, the voices, how do you get it to stop?" Taylor got thoughtful for a moment and then sighed.

"Someone singing to me. Or music. Usually the voices are pretty crippling but when one of my bandmates sees that look on my face they just sing." She answered softly.

"Just like I did for you this morning." Beca added before squeezing Chloe's knee. Taylor's face contorted into something horrible.

"This morning? You had an episode again today Chloe?" Chloe's face looked ashamed. "Hey don't be embarrassed. How often do they happen?" Taylor's tone was firm but not harsh.

"A couple times a week I guess." Chloe answered, Beca's shoulders slumped forward at the redhead's words not prepared for it.

"Okay, well we'll get you in with Dr. Greyson. Get you on the right meds and that should defiantly help." Beca watched Chloe's expression carefully at the mention of medication. "You need to stop self-medicating. That's step one, because the chemicals in drugs make your brain and the chemical makeup in your brain even more askew."

"Okay." Chloe practically whispered. Taylor turned swiftly to Beca.

"Make sure you get ahold of Elly and you tell her no more sales to Chloe." The blonde was angry at the thought of their cousin's line of business.

"How'd you know?" Chloe questioned honestly.

"It's Elly. Beca covered for her in high school and almost got kicked out. Elly has the perfect image for her business. None of the people who don't know about what she does would ever guess that she sells. Have you met our aunt and uncle?" Chloe nodded connecting the points.

"Wait? What do you mean you covered for her?" Chloe turned to Beca as the information settled.

"You know how I covered for you in the bathroom?" Chloe nodded, red flushing her cheeks. "Well in school some idiots got high on campus and got caught so they brought drug dogs in. Elly was stupid enough to have a bunch of coke on her at school. Something about a big sale after lunch. They cleared us out of the classroom and brought the dogs in. They found her bag and I had a binder in her bag so I told the principal that it was my bag. Since they knew about my mom and Taylor, they let me off with like three weeks of suspension and then my aunt and uncle were so upset at the idea of me being into drugs that they made me move in with them for the following school year. With no freedom and lots of therapy." Taylor rolled her eyes and huffed.

"You shouldn't have covered for her. But that's beside the point. Make that call. Chloe, do you eat a healthy diet?" Chloe shook her head at the younger girl's question. "That helps, if you eat healthier. I'm not saying only fruits and vegetables but you know what I mean. I'll give you a list of the foods that help the most."

"Taylor? Will I ever be able to live a normal life?" Chloe's voice sounded frail and weak. Taylor choked on the lump in her throat as she watched the way her younger sister looked at the redhead.

"Yes, I mean you'll always have medications and therapy of some sort. But you'll live as close to normal as possible considering. Why don't we order some take out and just chat? Enough heavy stuff for now okay?" The blonde pulled her phone out and walked away from the pair on the couch.

"I'm sorry if she's overwhelming. She's trying really hard not to be." Beca finally spoke after a few moments of silence.

"No, it just amazes me because if you two hadn't told me that she was ill. I would have never guessed. I know she just doesn't want me to suffer anymore." Beca sighed at the response and clutched the older woman's hand. Smiling in reassurance.

"Well if I didn't know as much about Tay's condition as I do. I would have never suspected you of being ill." Beca smiled again softer this time.


End file.
